


Taste of Innocence

by Venomis



Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-09
Updated: 2019-12-05
Packaged: 2020-01-07 07:03:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 31
Words: 43,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18405578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Venomis/pseuds/Venomis
Summary: While Juice tries to find his angle around the Sons of Anarchy, he fears to have blown his chances to become a full patched member as he mistakes his sponsor's daughter for a croweater.





	1. Flooding Toilets

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all! 
> 
> This story is a prequel to 'Taste of Vengeance' but both stories can be read separately. (:

Juice was close to tears as he helplessly watched the water, toilet paper and much grosser stuff float around him. He had no idea what to do. In his panic he had already called for help. The only things the men had done, were slapping his shoulder with a mischievous grin or just simply ignoring him. They had left him no choice than going back to the restrooms, where he was unclogging all three toilets. Unbelievable – how could they just all flood? Had they done this on purpose, just to piss him off? Ever since he'd gotten here three days ago, they treated him like shit. He however couldn't do much about it; he had nowhere else to go. He just had to pull through their bullying until he had proven himself valuable.

With the plunger in his hand, he stared into the pot. Was there any point in continuing? It didn't work – but he didn't know what else to do.

"Hey. Need any help?"

Juice turned around and found himself staring at a beautiful girl in the doorway. Great, this was just the perfect place to meet a girl like her; when he was being clumsy and surrounded by shit.

"Nah, I got this," he said with all the confidence he could gather. Her blue eyes however told him she looked right through him. Without saying anything, she turned around and walked away.

Juice swallowed a sigh. There were so many hot girls around and his first conversation with one of them went like this? Leaning on his knees, he stared into the water. Again, the smell made him retch.

He really had no idea what to do. He was still staring down as he heard footsteps. Looking over his shoulder, his eyes grew wide as the girl waded across the water, a pile of towels in her arms.

"You do realize this is sewage you're walking through, right?" he stammered.

She showed him a crooked smile. "Really? I was already wondering where that smell was coming from." She gave him a wink that made his cheeks blush and handed him some towels. "Put them in and close the seat."

Quickly he turned around and did what she said, meanwhile muttering to himself that he was good with tech shit and not with shit like this.

He heard her chuckle in the other bathroom stall, making his heart jump.

"And now?" he asked as he returned to the flooded place in front of the sinks.

"Now you call a plumber to fix this. It always gets messy after a few days of rain."

Juice nodded, although he didn't really hear her. His eyes seemed to be the only working senses right now and damn – he liked what they saw. Although most croweaters wore short dresses, this one was wearing a skinny jeans that showed her round ass and those hips of her would be perfect to grab when...

"You're feel so comfortable in this shit that you prefer to stay here?" she asked with raised eyebrows, nearing the door again.

"Um no," he muttered, quickly following her. His eyes grew wide as she kicked out her shoes and started to take off her pants. He tried not to stare at those long legs that were just exposed and aimed his eyes at her face. All he however did, was wishing she took off that pink top too, so he could see if her bra would match her black lace panties.

"They're gonna skin you alive if you spread that shit through the clubhouse." Her eyes signaled to his soggy shoes and pants.

Juice nodded quickly, removing his shoes and pants and feeling the world's biggest idiot because he didn't know what to say to her.

Then there was finally an Einstein moment. "Thanks," he muttered. It was still hard to believe that she had just ruined her clothes and shoes just to help him out. Did she like him? He doubted that he had seen her before, but he had met so many people the past days that it was impossible to keep track of them. "I uh, I'm Juice."

"Hi Juice. I'm Abigail. And no big deal." She lifted the wet clothes. "Luckily they have washing machines over here."

Again she showed him a smile that made him almost gasp for breath. As he kept staring at her, she turned around.

"Wait," he heard himself say.

There was a curious glimmer in her eyes as she turned back.

Juice scratched his neck, not knowing what to say. He knew all those Croweaters were... like free whores, but how did it work? Should he just tell her that he wanted her? Or wouldn't she be interested because he was just a prospect? He really had no idea how to approach the girls around here but it felt stupid to let her just walk away – and it felt even more stupid to wait with answering her questioning look.

"You uh, you already got a place to sleep tonight?" he muttered, feeling his cheeks getting red again.

To his relief, she started to laugh. At least she wasn't mad, and it didn't sound like she was making fun of him. "Do I look like a homeless girl?"

"Um no," he said, scratching his neck. "You – you look beautiful. I wouldn't mind to eh, you know..." He bit his lip, again wondering what his sponsor would have said to get a hot girl like her.

She sniggered. "Are you askin' me to sleep with you?"

"Yeah, kinda..." he muttered, feeling his cheeks glow. Was he being stupid? Was he offending her?

She let out a soft laugh. "In your dreams, baby." She blew a kiss towards him and walked away, her hips swinging. Juice watched her leave, his eyes glued to her ass.

* * *

The girl was stuck in his head for the rest of the day. It was around dinner when his sponsor swung an arm around his shoulders. "Aye. Heard the plummin' guy fixed tha shite?"

"Yeah," Juice nodded.

The man looked at him with a grin that made him feel insecure, then he slapped his shoulder. "Have ye met my kid yet? She's over for the weekend."

Juice shook his head and didn't object when Chibs guided him towards the kitchen.

"Aye, y'already met the new prospect?" he asked from the doorway.

"Yeah I did." He heard a chuckle – a chuckle that hadn't left his mind since this afternoon. She appeared next to Chibs, giving him an amused smile.

Juice swallowed; his eyes wide. With rosy cheeks, he realized that he had mistaken his sponsor's daughter for a club whore.


	2. Rewards

Abigail hadn't elaborated on their encounter and neither had Juice – he felt way too embarrassed to say  _anything_ to her. Now dusk had fallen he sat at the bar, slamming drinks until he felt confident enough to go to Abigail and apologize. He wasn't very successful up to now. At least three times he had been on his way to standing up, but as soon as he had turned his head towards her, he had thought that she was answering his glance, making him back off.

 _Why are you so unbelievably stupid,_ he asked himself.  _The lack of a slutty dress must have given you a clue! Or otherwise her accent!_ Sure, her accent was nowhere as tick as Chibs' accent, but now he knew that her roots were in Scotland, he didn't understand how he could have missed it.

After another drink he decided that there was enough alcohol flowing through his veins – if he became drunk he would only make things worse. Feeling a bit dizzy as he slid off the bar stool, he looked around.

She was talking to Jax, a beautiful smile on her face, making him wish that he was the one who caused that smile right now.

Suddenly an arm landed around his shoulders. "Now listen closely lad."

Juice froze as he heard Chibs' voice.

"If ye prefer two eyes, ye better take them off my little girl."

He felt the heat creep to his face. "I – I wasn't staring."

"Then what were ye doin'?"

"Um..." A good answer didn't show up, so he just shrugged and did the stupidest thing he could have done – his eyes shot to the girl again. He just couldn't help it, it felt like his eyes led their own life. Although she was talking to Jax, he saw that she looked past him, into their direction.

Was she really looking at him? Again? No – she was probably wondering what her father was doing.

Chibs heaved a deep sigh, diverting the attention away from his daughter. "Ye one of those lads who gotta learn it the hard way, aye?"

"No," he said quickly, afraid for a beat up in the ring. "I get the message. But she's... she's just the most beautiful thing I've seen since I'm on this side of the country."

"Thing?" Annoyance was dripping from his tone.

Juice wished he could just vanish. With every word he said, he was digging a deeper hole. "No – no I didn't mean it like that!" He stumbled over his words, his cheeks were getting hot. "She's not a thing. She's a person – just a fucking hot one. Um, very beautiful, I mean," he corrected himself.

Yep – he had drank too much already. He was so dead.

"I just... want to apologize to her because I said some stupid things. Then I'll never talk to her. I promise."

"Ye promise?" Chibs raised his eyebrows. "Promises are sacred, ye know that laddie? Even when you're wasted"

Juice nodded. "I know. I really know."

He saw that Jax was leaving her alone and although it might be stupid to walk out on his sponsor right now, he took his chances before Chibs asked him  _what_ stupid things he had said to his daughter.

By the time he approached Abigail, his hands were clammy. With every heavy beat of his heart the urge to turn around became harder to ignore, but he knew he would make a fool of himself if he backed off now.

"Hey!" he said – well, he was rather yelling since the rock song that had been playing just ended.

"Hey Juice." Over her glass, she looked at him. "The restrooms were clean again, I noticed. Probably cleaner than they've ever been. Good job." She showed him a friendly smile that made his own lips curl up too – in a stupid, dreamily way.

Quickly he shook off the enchanting effect of that smile. "I uh – I wanted to apologize," he said. "For mistaking you for a croweater. I eh, I didn't know there were family members around too."

She looked pensively at him, her head tilted. "You wanna make it up to me?"

"I do," he said before he realized it. "Uh, but I think your dad is gonna kill me."

"Nah, he's always trying to scare the new guys away from me. He's just teasing, don't worry."

Juice had his doubts, but admitting that out loud would make him look like a coward. "Uh, okay. So, uh, can I buy you a drink?" he asked as he noticed that she had finished her glass.

"That's a good start," she winked.

Although he had seen that the other Sons swung their arms around girls or were holding their hands all the time, he didn't even think about doing that now.

At the bar he got himself and her a drink. She turned out to be an easy talker as she told him that she was going to college in San Francisco. As she talked about her study clinical epidemiology, her eyes were lighting up and her voice sounded more passionately than before. He just listened, taking in the way her lips moved, how her tongue flicked across her lips now and then and how she smiled most of the time.

Suddenly she tapped his nose. "You're not even listening!" she exclaimed, although her eyes were still beaming.

"Sorry," he muttered, scratching his neck as his cheeks flushed.

"You had a rough day, right? You're clearly not much of a talker today. How about a game of pool?"

"Yeah, sure." Juice managed to sound casual, although he was excited that she wanted to spend more time with him.

"So, are you a bit of a daredevil?" she asked him as she handed him a cue. "Wanna make the game more interesting with a reward?"

Juice's throat felt dry. Quickly he took a drink, although it didn't help much.

"Sure," he said with all the confidence he could gather. "Anything in mind?"

"Uhu..." Suddenly she stood very close, making him feel so hot that he needed another swig to cool himself off.

A shiver went through his body as her lips touched his ear when she whispered: "If you win, you can take me to your room and love me until the sun comes up."

The words were so unexpected that he choked on his drink. Coughing, he bent over, his hand shaking so that his drink flooded his glass.

Chuckling, she took the glass from his hand and rubbed between his shoulders until his breathing had normalized. His cheeks had to be flaming red – and confused he looked at the girl.

"You're kidding me, right?" he muttered. "Your dad will kill me."

She held his glance, there was a hint of rebellion in them. "He doesn't have to know about it, does he?"

"Um, I dunno," he muttered.

She pouted. "You already invited another girl to your room?"

"No!" he said quickly, feeling a strange sensation in his stomach.

"Good."

She bent forward to take the triangle off the table. Automatically his eyes checked out her ass, and seeing her standing this way tightened up his pants. If he won – would he really see her naked? Just like that? He couldn't imagine – there had to be a caveat.

"You want to start?" she asked as she turned around.

"Um – eh, if you win... what will be your reward?" he asked, his throat still feeling dry.

"Why? You're not motivated enough to win? You want another price? The other girls are for free."

"No I want you," he muttered. "I mean... Um..." Actually he had no idea what he meant, he felt confused and tipsy and there was this whole other feeling as if there was fire festering through his veins which made him even more confused. "But what  _if_ you win?"

Leaning on the cue, she stepped closer again. "If I win..." Again she studied his face for a while. "If I win, I'm going to make you the hottest guy around."

Juice really had no idea what she meant with that – but it sounded good, so he shrugged. "Okay. I guess we have a deal then."

She gave him a charming smile, then she gestured him to start the game.


	3. Looking Hot

He didn't stand a chance. There was no one in Charming who could beat her with this game. Abigail had been playing it since she was a little kid and she couldn't even remember the last time she had lost.

"You're gonna break another heart?" Jax grinned as he came to stand next to her. "You're a real predator, huh?"

"Just let me have my fun," she answered on a chuckle. "I spend so little time here, I gotta create some good memories before I go back after the weekend."

"Poor guy," Jax said, shaking his head. "He'll never dare to talk to another girl again."

"Nah, he'll like it when I'm done with him. Just make sure Hap's ready, I'm not gonna pull him off a croweater."

"What ever you wish, Majesty." Jax took a bow. "Need anything else?"

"A clippers."

Laughing, Jax shook his head. "You're the worst."

"I'm not. Trust me," she winked, before she paid her attention to Juice again. He was cute. Like – really cute, making her wonder what the hell he was doing here with his innocent smile and those warm brown eyes. For the first time in her life she was wishing that she would lose. She respected herself too much to sleep around, but she couldn't deny that she felt attracted to SAMCRO's newest addition.

Juice was the first one hitting the hole. A childlike enthusiasm lit up his face, his wide smile making her heart swell. She started to feel regret because she was playing with him, but everyone was joking around here. If she didn't do it, someone else would, sooner or later.

As their game continued, an audience was gathering around them. Since she was pulling this stunt with every newbie, they all knew what was about to come. Her eyes shot to her father, who was watching with a wide grin, as always proud of his little girl.

"So, what's the inlay this time?" he said, swinging an arm around her shoulder.

"Secrecy is part of the game dad," she answered, lining up a ball and bunting it in the hole.

She had wanted to wait until Juice had only two balls left, but the crowd started to make him nervous and she felt a bit sorry for him.

A bit.

To put an end to his misery, she took the last shots until all her balls were gone.

"Holy shit," Juice stammered, blinking his eyes as if he couldn't believe them. "How did you do that?"

"It's magic, kid." Bobby slapped his shoulder. "Don't feel too bad about it. We've all been there."

Awkwardly, the prospect rubbed his head. "Well, congrats, I guess. I never stood a chance, did I?"

"Nope," she admitted on a chuckle.

"And now?"

"Now you have to promise not to cry."

* * *

A little later he was sitting on a chair in the office, the door closed so that they were alone.

"So what was that? Some kind of revenge for trying to get you in bed?"

"You call that clumsy, half-finished sentence of yours a real attempt to get me into bed?" she grinned. "Nah this is just my weird humor." She sat down on his lap, her face towards him.

His eyes grew wide and she chuckled.

"Damn you're cute. I would have dated you if you weren't supposed to become my brother."

"You – you would?"

"Definitely. If they kick you out, you should give me a call," she winked.

The blush appearing on his cheeks, made him look even more adorable. Suddenly there was a tingling feeling, making her want to caress his face and taste his lips. To distract herself, she took the clippers from her bag.

His eyes went even wider as he stared at her. "What the hell are you goin' to do?" he asked – panic seeping into his voice.

"Make you look hot. And bad ass. Come on, you need to look tougher, older, or those guys will never take you seriously. Trust me – I've grown up among them and I've seen my share of prospects." She read the doubt in his eyes – he obviously wasn't sure if she was joking or not. "Do you trust me?"

"No," he blurted out.

It sounded so bluntly that she started to laugh. "Come on, don't be such a chicken. It's just hair – if you don't like the new cut you just let it grow back."

"Fine," he growled.

She laid a hand against the side of his head and forced him to look down. "Guess my breasts aren't the worst way to distract you."

"Shirtless would have been better," he muttered.

She shook her head. "Now let's not get picky. I'm already allowing you more than the other guys."

"So this is just some initiation prank?"

"Kinda." Her fingers stroked his hair. "I never shaved someone while sitting on his lap tho. It's pretty intimate."

Somehow these words encouraged him to lay his hands on her hips. She held her breath for a moment, feeling something warm bubble up inside. He looked up, his eyes lingering on her lips. She could feel how his lips were drawn to hers, and the sped of her breathing increased.

_Stop it. You can't do this._

Their lips brushed, briefly, just enough to taste each other. Her hand went to his cheek, and with pain in her heart she increased the distance between them. "We shouldn't do this. You can't mess with the family of your future brothers; it will ruin your chances and this ain't worth it."

"You probably know best," he muttered.

"I do," she winked. She raised the clippers. "You already trust on my insight with these?"

He showed her a cocky grin. "Make me hot."

"Yeah maybe not too hot," she laughed, turning on the device. She bent his head again, laid a hand against his cheek and began to shave the sides of his head. Halfway she stood up to take care of the back of his head, and after ten minutes she looked satisfied at the short mohawk.

His hand ran across the little bit of hair that was left, his eyes wide. "Doesn't this look stupid?" he muttered.

"You look hot, like I told you. Now, time for phase two."

"Phase two??"

A few minutes later Juice's shocked eyes were aimed at the tattoo gun in Happy's hand.

"You wanna tattoo my  _head_?" he cried out.

"It's almost a tradition. Look, he got one too." She pointed at the snake at Happy's head, which he had obtained in the same way. "And he's a tattoo master." She pulled down the neck of her shirt, exposing her shoulder that was completely covered with two large dark blue roses.

"Wow..." There was a surprised and impressed expression on his face. "It's beautiful." His fingers traced the lines, his touches leaving heated stripes across her skin. "So eh, what do you want to tattoo on my head? No flowers, I hope."

"Two Christmas trees," she joked. "Although I do like something symmetrical. Like... two of these tribal things, a little thunderbolt-like." With her finger she drew figures on his scalp.

Happy nodded. "Can do that."

She moved her glance to Juice, whose face had turned a bit pale. "You okay with this?"

His eyes shot from Happy to her, then he shrugged. "Yeah, let's do it."

Abigail knew that he felt nervous as hell, but she still smiled. It was a good thing that he was practicing this careless attitude – they would like that. Behind Happy's back, she gave him a thumb's up. The smile that he showed her in return, made him look hotter than any tattoo or haircut could have done and the impact it had on her, was starting to worry her.

 


	4. Falling In Love

Juice stared at the reflection in the mirror. His whole head hurt like hell and there were some tears in his eyes, although he had managed to keep them there instead of crying while that creepy guy had been tattooing his scalp.

"And? You like it?" Abigail swung an arm around his shoulders and looked into the mirror too. A wide grin told him that she definitely did.

Juice shrugged, not really knowing if it looked cool or dumb. "It will take some time to get used to it, I guess."

He felt like an idiot for letting that girl talk him into this. What would the others think? They would make fun of him, there was no doubt about that. Had she even wanted to help him? Now he looked at his irritated and inked skin, he had the feeling that she had just been joking around.

He glanced at the Son that was standing next to him, the tattoo pistol still in his hands. Juice had the feeling that he would put another type of gun against his head if he didn't look grateful, so he nodded to the man. "Uh, looks good. Thanks."

All he got in return, was a grunt before the man left the room, leaving him alone with Abigail who covered the tattoos with a bandage.

"You don't like it, hmm?" she asked softly when the ink was covered.

He turned towards her, surprised to see a hint of regret in her eyes. "I never considered to tattoo my head," he muttered. "Actually I don't know if you really wanted to help me or that you're just fooling around."

"Bit of both," she admitted with a mischievous grin. "But trust me on this; you already looked cute, but now you look hot too. You'll have the girls lining up." She winked. Just like before, the wink called up an intense heat inside him. "Shall I introduce you to some of the girls? Your brothers always consider me as one of the guys when they are discussing the girls. What type do you like?"

Juice's mouth was getting dry. "Someone like you," he said before he realized it.

He cringed as he heard his own words, hating the fact that he had drank too much.

She chuckled. "So that means? Black hair? Someone crazy enough to shave off your hair?"

He shrugged. "I uh, I don't need a girl right now." He thought back to the tension he had felt when his lips had touch hers. It had been so quickly, but it was all he could think of and he wanted to do it again. "I like spending time with you." He touched the bandages on his head. "At least it leads to things I never thought I would do."

She laughed, squeezing her eyes a little. She was so beautiful; his fingers were itching to caress her face.

"So, you got more body parts you want me to shave?"

Juice felt the heat spread to his face again, not knowing if he should answer that question truthfully.

"I'm joking," she said, slapping his shoulder. "Hey how about showing you around with your new haircut and then I'll take you to the roof where we can talk a bit? That would actually be nice for a change; one of the guys who want to spend the night talking with me instead of banging a croweater."

"Yeah sure," Juice answered, trying to hide the excitement he felt because she wanted to spend more time with him.

Ten minutes later they ascended a fire stairs leading to the roof. Some of the guys had whistled as he had left the office, but most had just smirked and complimented Abigail, so he started to believe that it wasn't that bad.

They sat down on the edge, close to each other; her leg touching his. Now they were sitting here under the starry sky he felt the urge to drape an arm around her, but he didn't think it was a smart move and apart from that he would be too chicken to do it anyway.

"You can always go here if you need the quiet," she said. "Not many people come here. Ope, Jax and I used to smoke here when we were younger and tried to hide it from our parents, but apart from those two nobody ever comes here."

Juice smiled gratefully, even though she was looking in the distance. In silence they listened to the distant voices, to the pounding bass.

"Won't your father mind that we're sitting here?" he asked after a while – he hadn't forgotten about his sponsor's threats. "I mean, I've already lost half of my hair, I'd like to keep my eyes."

She chuckled, laying her head against his shoulder. "You're a funny guy, Juice."

He held his breath now she was leaning against him. His heart was pounding in his chest and he had the feeling that she could hear it. Trying to look less shy, he casually laid an arm around her.

"Don't worry about my dad. He knows I'll never sleep with a Son, so he stopped caring a long time ago."

"Not even if you'd fall in love?" he asked quietly.

Again there was this soft, light laugh that chased goose bumps across his arms.

"Why? You're falling in love with me?"

She looked up to him, but he didn't dare to look her in the eye. "I think I could," he muttered. "You're actually the first one who's nice around here. And you're beautiful. And smart. And funny."

She laughed again. "And you weren't successful with the ladies yet? Damn. Unbelievable." She shook her head. "I almost never fall in love," she told him, in a more serious voice. "I'm very picky, I guess," she smirked. "But I could never be together with a Son." She was silent for a while, contemplating her words and Juice decided to give her room to elaborate on the topic – if she wanted that, at least. "All the men I care about, are part of an MC. My father was often from home, and I've seen him with stab wounds and gunshots... and my best friend is in jail right now and his wife doesn't know how to handle all that... I don't want that shit with my boyfriend. I need a stable guy, who lives his live far away from shit like that. And I'm serious about relationships. It's not that I want kids immediately, but if I know someone isn't going to there for future children, there's no point in staying with him. I just... need someone who's there for me, someone on who I can always count. Someone who puts me first, instead of the club," she said on a whisper.

Juice heard the hurt in her voice, sensed the loneliness she was feeling and he tightened his grasp around her, looking for words. What should he say? "I'm sure you'll find such a guy," he said eventually. Part of him wished that he could be that guy, but he pushed the feeling away. She didn't want anyone affiliated with the club and he understood her, so he should ignore those warm feelings she called up inside him and be the friend who she also seemed to need. "I just told you all the things I like about you, only after a few hours, and I'm sure there are lots of men who see that too."

She looked up to him again, showing him a grateful smile. "I meant what I said. If they kick you out, you should give me a call."

Her hair tickled his cheek as she leaned with her head against his shoulder again and he breathed in her scent. "It's tempting to stop now," he said on a smirk, then he sighed, feeling a bit sad. "They treat me like shit anyway, I don't think they like me. Maybe they _will_ kick me out."

"You have to work yourself up. They let you prospect for a reason, they wouldn't have done that if they didn't believe in you. It's just... some sense of power they feel over prospects. It's just one long initiation," she said. "With the next prospect, you'll have your fun too."

Juice looked at her from the corner of his eyes and smiled a bit, wondering if he ever made it that far. He had to, he knew. If not, he was as good as dead.

 


	5. No Shame

The hot jets of the shower rained down on him. Juice enjoyed the heat, thinking back to the talk on the roof, to the tension he had felt when she had been on his lap, shaving his head, the brief moment their lips had touched.

Suddenly the door of the shower opened. On a reflex he recoiled, causing the water to fall right into his face. Quickly he moved his head to the side, rubbing his eyes and skittishly looking at the person that had just entered his shower.

His eyes grew wide as he realized that it was Abigail. Not knowing what was coming over him, his eyes wandered across her body. Naked body. Her breasts were firm, her nipples already stiff, her stomach flat with two shining gems at the top of her belly button. Her black hair waved across her shoulders as she took a step closer, her eyes bright, a naughty grin on her face.

"I can't stop thinking about you," she said in a low voice. "Touch me."

While he could only stupidly stare at her, she took his hands and placed them on her hips.

"Touch me, Juice," she whispered, longing seeping into her tone. "I wanna feel your hands everywhere."

Slowly, his hands glided up her sides as confusion was still controlling his mind. "I – I thought you wouldn't sleep with Sons?"

"You're not a Son yet," she shrugged, wrapping her arms around his neck. "And we're not sleeping." Her hands ran up his neck and bent his head, so she could greet his lips with hers. Their lips parted, and her tongue slipped into his mouth. Still far from understanding what was happening he returned the kiss. It started slow, sweet, but after a few minutes it changed into something dashing and wild. The kiss was so mind blowing that he forgot about the rest of her body – only when she wrapped her hand around his member and started to play with it, he remembered that they were naked. Enjoying her hand around him, his hands started to move across her body too, caressing her shoulders, her breasts, following every curve.

As their make out session started to heat up, she turned off the water and took his hand. "Let me ride you."

"W-what?" he stammered.

She chuckled. "You sound like a virgin, man."

"Um no I'm not but..." He didn't know what to say. He had slept with several women – but never with someone like her.

She gave him no time to answer, but opened the door and dragged him out of the shower cabin. Grabbing a towel from the hook, she started to dry him, slowly, looking into his eyes. Everything she did was just fucking sexy, he had a feeling she could let him cum by only watching her. With another towel he started to dry her too, kissing every inch of her warm skin. As he reached her breasts he laid his lips around her nipple and started to suck until her soft moans made his knees feel week.

Losing her patience, Abigail forgot about the rest of her wet body and dragged him to the bedroom, pushing him down on the bed and climbing on top of him, bending over to kiss his neck. "So, what do you prefer? Slow, sweet love or a wild ride?"

"Uhh, both sound good."

Her teeth scraped the skin of his neck, making him shiver. "Choose, Juice. Tell me what you want me to do with you."

Although he secretly wanted the slow and sweet way, he didn't dare to say it. He was already acting like a shy virgin, so to look tougher he answered with a low growl: "Gimme a wild ride baby." Feigning confidence he grabbed her hips and looked straight into her eyes.

She sat up straighter, one hand on his chest, with the other she started to rub him until the tip was wet enough for her. A soft moan escaped his lips as he slowly glided inside her.

"Oh Abigail... you feel so good around me," he whispered.

She let out her typical soft laugh again. "Just wait until my walls are tightening around you." She bent over again, kissing her lips. "Don't hold back. And let me hear how much you love being inside me."

His hands moved to her breasts and kneaded them, encouraging her to start her ride.

Juice watched her; her beautiful face, her wobbling breasts, the movements of her hips. As her pace sped up and he was hitting her deeper and deeper, he answered her little moans with hoarse grunts and deeper moans, forgetting everything around him. She was all he could see, all he could feel, all he could hear, all he could think about, and he called out her name, his body shaking as his orgasm was building up.

And then the door was slammed open.

Abigail didn't stop. The look in her eyes was even hornier than before. "Don't stop. Don't stop now. I'm almost there. Let's make it worth your death."

Juice didn't move. With wide eyes he stared at the man entering the room – her father, filled with rage.

"Told ye you'd learn it the hard way," he said on a growl, lifting the knife in his hand.

* * *

Juice shot up, his heart pounding in his chest, his breathing heavy. Wildly, he looked around. He was on a roof – there was a starry sky above him and he had been lying on a plaid.

"What is it? Did you have nightmare?" Next to him Abigail sat up straight too, worry in her eyes. She was fully clothed – of course she was – and the images of her naked body crossed his mind. He became aware of the fact that he was still having a boner and he quickly pulled up his knees, hoping she wouldn't see it.

"It ended like a nightmare," he muttered, his voice shaking. He could still feel her around him and he didn't dare to look aside.

"Tell me about it! I love a good creepy story."

"No. It's... private."

She chuckled. "So it was a sex dream?"

Awkwardly, he shrugged, staring forward in the distance.

"Was it about me?"

He felt the heat spread across his cheeks – he wouldn't be surprised if he would light up like a traffic light. "No."

"I think it was. Why else wouldn't you dare to look me in the eye again?" She chuckled softly. "It's okay Juice. It's kinda cute actually. Was I good? Sex with me shouldn't turn into a nightmare, you know."

"Your father caught us and wanted to kill me," he muttered.

She started to laugh. "Yeah, that's definitely a mood killer." She laid down on the plaid again and shoved a hand underneath her head.

She kept silent for a while, and nervously Juice peeked at her. Her face was fully relaxed as she looked at the stars, his sex dream didn't seem to bother her at all and slowly his heartbeat went back to normal. He laid down again too and stared to the firmament, as they had been doing for hours until he had fallen asleep.

"So, what was I like?" she asked after a while. "What did we do?" Chuckling she rolled on her side. "I can't believe it. I was just staring at the stars, completely unaware of the fact that you were lying next to me and having all these dirty fantasies about me," she laughed, softly kicking his boot.

"Well I didn't do it on purpose," he muttered. "I don't know about you, but I'm not exactly controlling my dream world."

He felt that she was trying to catch his glance, but he felt too ashamed and kept staring to the sky.

"So I wasn't very skilled? Is that the reason you don't want to tell me about it? Because I was a disaster?"

"What? No – you were great." He rolled on his side, feeling stupid as he saw the teasing grin on her face. He was about to turn back his head, but she laid a hand on his cheek to hold his glance. 

"Tell me about it. Sons don't feel shame."

He hesitated. Maybe she had a point about that. Dropping his eyes, he admitted that he had been showering and that she had joined him.

"Look into my eyes. No shame, I said. Just pretend it's the most normal thing in the world that hot girls step into the shower with you. Within a few months it will even be the truth, I'm sure of it."

He forced himself to look at her, but he couldn't bring himself to tell her about the details. He had been the shy one, she had taken the lead and he had liked it, but he didn't dare to admit it, afraid he would look like a pussy.

"You... asked me to touch you. So I did. I laid my hands on your sides and then we kissed... first slowly and then passionately, and then my hands stroked your shoulders, your... beautiful breasts while you wrapped your hand around my... me," he stammered.

He swallowed as she bit her lip. "Damn, you're turnin' me on boy. And then you backed me up against the shower cabin and had your way with me?"

"No... you led me to my bed, pushed me down and started to ride me." He didn't know how he did it, but he kept looking into her dark, lustful eyes as he told her that. His manhood was throbbing, he was so ready to do it for real that it hurt. "And you... you were so good, so hot...it felt so real..."

"And did I like it?" she asked in a tone that was driving him crazy.

"Yeah... you didn't want to stop. Not even when your father barged into the room."

"I don't know if that is hot or disgusting."

"Terrifying. It was fucking terrifying."

She chuckled, laying her head on his shoulder as he rolled back on his back. "Terrifying enough to become friends at most?"

"Yeah," he lied.

She kissed his cheek. "Good. Cause I really like you, Juice. But you and me, that's never going to happen. No matter how exciting your dreams are."

"I know," he said with a slight grin. "But a man can dream, right?"

She smiled while she closed her eyes, using his chest as a pillow. "Yeah... and a girl can dream too."


	6. Resistance

The first thing Abigail noted when she woke up, was a heartbeat right underneath her ear. The second was her painful neck. The third was a hand on her hip. Lifting her head a little, she turned her face to the left, squeezing her eyes as her muscles felt sore. Touched, she looked at Juice's sleeping face. His lips were parted a little, letting out a snoring sound that was rather cute than annoying. Not wanting to wake him up, she lowered her head back on his chest. Wondering if he would be dreaming of her again, she looked at his lower body. The only exciting thing she saw was the little strip of skin between his shirt and jeans. Without thinking, she brushed it with her finger tips. For a moment she considered to roll up his shirt so she could leave kisses on his stomach and chest – but she tried to ignore the longing.

It was hard. She had been joking around with all prospects, but there never had been one she felt attracted to, and she had definitely never spent a night with one of them on the roof of the clubhouse. Most of them bored her quickly with their big talk or they just lacked the ability to have a good conversation with, but this guy dared to show his vulnerability, making her feel comfortable around him. She liked literally everything about him – his honesty, his smile, his clumsiness, those cute red cheeks, his smirk as he felt confident, his sweetness, their innocent flirting, his little less innocent dreams...

It was so tempting to forget about the club for a moment. To crawl on top of him, to kiss him, to feel his rough hands on her body, his lips along her neck. Ever since he had told her about that dream there was this dark longing that had crept from under a giant rock where it had hidden itself for ages. It must have been a year since she had had sex. Growing up around the club had created an aversion to one-night stands; she had seen how desperate it had made all the girls crowding the clubhouse, how lonely the men felt, unable to really connect to someone. She usually avoided contacts like that but man, this time she really wanted to taste him, to feel him.

She however knew better. Being disrespectful to his sponsor wouldn't help him to get his patch, especially not if it wasn't a serious thing, and she was glad that he knew his limits and wasn't constantly trying to hit on her, like some others had tried in the past. Tomorrow she would go back to San Francisco and she was sure he would have found his place among the Sons the next time she would see him, meanwhile used to the many women offering to sleep with him.

Abigail noted that she was still stroking the small strip of skin with her thumb, enjoying his warmth, its smoothness. A second later she realized also that his breathing had changed and she looked up.

"Didn't know you were awake," she said as their eyes met.

"I know. Was afraid you would stop stroking my skin if you knew."

It took all her willpower not to slip her hand inside his pants to prove him the opposite. "Guess you're right. I was hoping you would be less attractive now the alcohol has left my blood, but I was wrong."

He lifted the corner of his mouth. "Sorry, can't say the same about you. It was definitely the alcohol that made you look hot."

She grinned and turned towards him, leaning with her elbow on his midriff until he let out a painful groan. "Ass."

"You haven't given me the chance to judge that part of you yet."

She sat up straight, arching her back to feel less stiff. "I have a great ass."

With a smirk he sat up too, rolling his shoulders to loosen the muscles.

"Got more steamy dreams last night?" she asked.

"Yeah. But you weren't in it. I was fucking mermaids this time."

She laughed. "Better than unicorns, I guess. So how does that work, with mermaids?"

"Why? You planning to become one?"

"A girl can dream we'd decided, right?"

He smirked and ran a hand across his mohawk. "How does this look in daylight? Still hot?"

"Lemme see." She got up on her knees and carefully took off the bandages, revealing his tattoos. Very lightly she brushed the ink with her thumb. "Your skin is still irritated but yeah, I really like it."

He looked up to her, saying nothing. The tension between them was almost touchable. Her eyes shot to his lips, that seemed to beg for a kiss. Her own lips started to tingle at only the thought of kissing him again. Swallowing, she aimed her glance at his eyes again. For a long time they just stared at each other, fighting the longing to kiss, both knowing there was too much at stake. In the end it was Juice who laid a hand against her cheek and right when she wanted to give in, he kissed her forehead instead of her lips and broke the magical moment.

To her own surprise, she felt the heat rise to her cheeks. Really – was she  _blushing_ now? Opie was the only one who kissed her like that at rare moments and they were best friends since they could walk. It however hadn't felt like a flirty move, but something much more intimate.

"So, you're finally gonna tell me what you're doin' here?" she asked him to distract herself. "Where are you from?"

"Queens."

She raised her eyebrows. "That's a long way from here..."

He nodded, sighing. Pensively he looked at her, his legs crossed and his wrists resting on his knees while he was obviously trying to figure out if he wanted to share his life story with her.

"Well you have your experience with guys involved in criminal activities, so I guess you won't freak out if I admit that I'm on the run from the mob. I met Jax in a bar and we talked for a while and when he discovered that I know how to hack shit, he took me to the clubhouse and said they could offer me protection when I updated their shit."

"Yeah the computers here were bought in the stone age," she smirked. "So... how does a nerdy computer geek piss off the mob?"

"A friend brought me in. A good friend, I thought."

"Wait... you  _worked_ for the mob?"

"Yeah... They paid well, was just doing the computer stuff. But my friend fucked things up and cast the blame on me. As they turned their attention to me, he fled, and when I found out what he had done I had no choice but to do the same. They aren't exactly the understanding kind of people."

He stared at his shoes, rubbing the nail of his thumb.

"It hurt, hmm? Your friend turning his back on you."

"He didn't just turn his back on me, he stabbed me in the back," he said embittered. "We were friends for years. He felt like the only family I had."

Her heart squeezed as she heard the hurt in his voice. The betrayal felt heavier than the fact that his life was at stake and she imagined it left him with some trust issues.

"SAMCRO will be your new family," she promised him. "They won't turn their backs on you, I promise." She took his hand and pressed a kiss on the back of it. "Neither will I. Gotta go back to San Fran tomorrow, but you can call me whenever you want. Just give me your phone and I'll put my number in it."

"Thanks," he said softly, giving her his phone.

"Use it," she answered, saving her number. "It's not easy to start a new life. I know you feel comfortable around me, so don't be shy. Just give me a call when you're bored or when you need to talk, okay?"

He gave her a grateful smile that made her tingle from top to toe and tucked away his phone. "Now prepare yourself for hours of whining in the middle of the night."

She chuckled, nudging his shoulder with hers. "You don't have to limit yourself to complaints. As it seems your dreams are interesting too, so feel free to share 'em."

"Yeah? Is the idea of me having sex with mermaids turnin' you on?"

She grinned. "Every sex scene with you is turnin' me on."

"Even the unicorns?"

She scowled. "Please leave the animals to Tig."

Chuckling, he rested his head against her shoulder, taking her hand in his. "I think I'm falling for you, Abigail."

His words evoked an explosion of heat inside her. She squeezed his fingers. "I know," she said softly, pressing a kiss to his temple. "Me too."

"Yeah? You're falling in love with yourself?"

"Wouldn't you?" she joked, knowing he must have noticed her feelings anyway.

"Oh definitely. I'd be crazy in love with myself."

She laughed, getting up and pulling him on her feet when she feared she could no longer resist him. "Come on, let's find us something to eat. I'm starving."

"I thought you had planned a romantic roof picknick," he pouted.

She tapped his nose. "Think we've had enough romance for this year, before you really can't get me out of your head."

He looked into her eyes, making her hold her breath for a moment. "Before you can't get me out of your head, you mean?"

"Before I can no longer resist those lips of yours," she whispered, tracing the line of his bottom lip with her thumb.

His Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed. "You have to," he said in a hoarse voice. "Cause the moment I taste you again I'll rip off your clothes and lay you down on that plaid, showing some of the tricks the mermaids taught me tonight."

There was a sparkle in his eyes as she started to laugh. "You had me breathless until that last line."

He lifted the corner of his mouth. "Come on, let's get breakfast before your dad finds us here doing things we shouldn't do."

"Yeah, you're right." She picked up the plaid and folded it. "Wouldn't want that nightmare of yours to come true, huh."

"Nope. I like you a lot, but I'm not ready to die for you yet."

"Yet," she repeated, winking at him. "I'll remember that."


	7. Just Friends

Although it was tempting to spend the whole day with Juice, she didn't. He needed to bond with his brothers, especially now it was weekend and there was more time to get to know each other. She had paid Donna a visit to see how she was doing, but just like every time the lost look in her eyes broke her heart. Opie was inside for 3,5 years now. Donna did good on her own, but it was hard and she refused any help from the club. Both children had been quiet most of the time, convincing Abigail once again that this wasn't the life she wanted for future kids. It was extra motivation to consider Juice as a friend at most, despite the obvious chemistry between them. That determination however didn't keep her from continuously thinking about him, and when she was on her way back to the clubhouse there was a strange feeling in her stomach. It was early in the evening when she walked inside. Her lips formed a smile as she saw him sitting on the couch, smoking and talking with Bobby and Jax. He looked more comfortable than the day before and she wondered if she had contributed to his new confidence.

Since he sat sideways, he hadn't seen her entering the building. Although she had a feeling that she could stare at that cute face forever, she forced her eyes away from him before she would distract him. Aiming her glance forward, she found her father at the bar. She hoisted herself on a bar stool next to him.

"Hey dad."

"Aye,  _flùr_ _._  Where have ye been all day?"

As always, the Gaelic word for flower made her smile. He didn't call her that way often, mostly when he was in a nostalgic mood – often with his thoughts with her mother, Rose.

Abigail told him that she had been to Donna and answered his concerned questions about her, since Jax and she were the only ones affiliated with the club to whom she still wanted to talk.

"So, what about the new prospect?" Chibs asked. "Ye learn anythin'?"

"He's cute as hell." She couldn't stop her smile as she looked over her shoulder. Apparently he had already discovered that she had arrived, for he greeted her with a blinding smile that made her heart jump.

"Yea? How's that gonna be useful?"

She shrugged as she turned her head back. "Maybe you'll get into trouble with a female MC one day?" She nodded to a croweater who shoved a drink towards her. "Okay, you want me to be serious. I think he's a good asset. He's a loyal one, honest, respectful... but he needs confidence. He's betrayed by his best friend, the only one he considered as family, so he's hurt and has trust issues."

Her father lifted the corner of his mouth. "Knew you'd drag more outta him in a few hours than I'd do in a month." He looked past her, shaking his head. "But as it seems our Juicy boy has a little crush on you now."

She shrugged her shoulders. "Don't they all have?" She winked. "No he treated me with respect, contrary to some others in the past. He's different than the others. Softer. Easier, I think, when he feels a little comfortable."

"And he felt comfortable around ye, huh? Yer eyes are lightin' up lass. I need to worry?"

"Nah, he knows I don't date Sons. But I made damn sure he gives me a call when he's not getting his patch."

"If he doesn't get that patch, he's not worth yer attention."

She rolled her eyes. "He needs very different qualities for dating me than for joining a motor club." She patted his shoulder. "But don't worry daddy. He's a good one, he's gonna make it. Just don't be too hard on him, he needs a friend."

* * *

Abigail didn't plan to stay long. The drive home would take a few hours and she had college tomorrow. She however wasn't looking forward to leave the place, even though they hadn't talked again. But she enjoyed his brief smiles, and every time their eyes met it felt like her blood was boiling. She however knew they should forget about each other. Or at least he should forget about her; he should focus on getting his top rocker.

"You like the new one?" she asked Michelle. They had been friends since they were sixteen, since the girl had fled from her violent father and ended up in the clubhouse. There she was looking for the love she had missed at home, sleeping with the men and hoping to become one of their old ladies. Her friend had been staring at Juice and she thought they would be a sweet couple.

"He's cute. But he has eyes for only one person in this room and that isn't me," she winked.

"You know it's not my ambition to become an old lady. You should go for him. Help him to get over me, cause I don't want his feelings to grow stronger and break his heart."

Michelle looked pensively at him. "You want me to sleep with him?"

"I want you to become his old lady. He'll be good to you and you'll be good to him. He needs a girl he can trust, and you're the nicest girl around," she added with a smirk.

"You can't keep your eyes off him, Abby. Why don't you go for him yourself?"

"You know I don't want this life. No guy's gonna change that."

"If you say so..." Michelle said softly. "But it's a shame. He looks hot."

"He is hot, trust me."

Her friend gave her a surprised look. "You kissed him?"

"I tried really hard not to." She took a deep breath. The conflicting feelings inside her were wearing her out and she decided it was time to leave. "Gotta go. Please give him a little bit of love, okay?" She kissed her friend's cheek. "You won't regret it."

"I'm more worried that you will regret it."

"I won't," she said, scowling at her. Then she turned around, called "bye!" in general and went straight for the exit. Being outside, she sighed softly, feeling sad all of a sudden.

"Hey, wait!" she heard right before she wanted to get into her car. She looked over her shoulder.

Juice jogged towards her and stood still in front of her. "You never learned to say a proper goodbye?"

"Thought no goodbye would be better than an awkward one," she shrugged.

"You're stupid if you think I'd miss the opportunity to hug you." He showed her a wide smile before he threw his strong arms around her, pressing a kiss in her hair. "Thanks for last night, Abigail."

She closed her eyes for a moment, holding him tight and taking in his scent, knowing he'd probably forgotten about her the next time she would be here. "I should thank you. I really enjoyed spending time with you." She let go of him, smiling a little sad. Lifting her hand, she stroked the tattoo on his scalp. "At least I left a lasting memory."

He smirked. "Yeah, will think about you every day when I'm looking in the mirror."

Even though she knew it would be better if he didn't, his words filled her with warmth.

"The guys liked it. Somehow you really helped me, Abigail." He looked over his shoulder and the next moment his arm glided around her waist, pulling her close. His lips brushed hers, his tongue tracing the line of her bottom lip. Goose bumps spread across her arms as she opened her mouth, letting him in. Her legs felt shaky as their tongues swirled around – just two times, then he quickly pulled back his head. He looked over his shoulder. There were some croweaters, but at least no Sons.

"Sorry," he said with a mischievous grin she hadn't seen before. "Just had to taste you."

She licked her lip. "You liked it?"

"Don't think it's worth repeating," grinning, his fingers hooked through her belt loops. "Which is good, since the just friends thing, huh?"

"You think claiming that I'm a bad kisser is a good way to start a friendship?"

"Yeah, transparency is key."

She playfully slapped his chest. "You're an ass."

"I know. You already told me so this morning."

She shook her head as he tugged her belt loops so their waists were touching. "I really gotta go now, Juice."

He nodded and sighed. "Yeah. Gonna miss you. When will you be back?"

"I really have no idea. It will probably take a few months. So I'll be waiting for you call," she winked, kissing his cheek. "Goodbye Juice."

"Talk to you soon Abigail." He briefly stroked her hand before he turned around and walked back to the clubhouse. 

With pain in her heart she watched him leave, wishing they could have spend another night on the roof.


	8. Working up the Courage

The moment her car had disappeared from sight, he had known he wouldn't forget about her. The first days of the week a smile was plastered to his face, his head full of memories about the few hours he had spent with her; reliving their talk on the roof, her fingers stroking his stomach when she thought that he was asleep, her curious eyes as he told her about his sex dream, her light laughter and her lips... those lips that had been so much softer than all other lips he had kissed, the taste of her the reason that he hadn't wanted to drink or eat anything until the next morning.

And still he hadn't talked to her after five days. He had sent her no message, had given her no call, simply because he didn't know what to say to her. There were a thousand things he wanted to ask her – if she couldn't stop thinking about him either, if she had enjoyed the kiss... but every text he was about to send sounded flirty and he feared her reaction. She had been clear – she wanted to be friends at most. One evening of flirting might have been fun in her eyes, but he was afraid that he would cross a line if he would push for more.

Juice sat up a little straighter, rubbing his lower back. The past week he had spent most of his time with the mechanics, learning the basics of the work in the garage. His muscles still had to get used to the physical work and even though he had thought that he was quite in shape, he had clearly been in positions he hadn't been often in.

"You need a massage honey?" a girl with soft pink hair asked.

"Uh..." Juice had lost his interest for the croweaters the moment that he had met Abigail, but well... a massage did sound good right now. "Okay. Sure."

She gave him a smile and took his hand as he slid off the barstool. Some of his brothers showed him a wide grin as if he was about to lose his virginity, making him wonder if they had all waited for this moment. Well – maybe it would at least cover up his feelings for Abigail...

He however didn't intend to sleep with or even kiss this girl – there was only one girl on his mind and he knew fucking someone else wouldn't help him to forget about her.

As soon as she was in his room, he looked a little awkwardly at her, wondering if she really wanted to give him a message.

"Well, take off your clothes," she winked.

"Uh – all of 'em?"

She chuckled. "Whatever you want honey. I'm here to please  _you._ "

"Uh, okay," he muttered, taking off his shirt and sitting down on the bed.

She sat down behind him, took oil from her bag and spread it across his shoulders and neck. "Well there are quite some knots," she said, kneading his muscles.

Juice hummed, admitting to himself that he enjoyed it. Slowly his thoughts drifted to Abigail, wondering how her fingers would feel, how they would explore every part of his body. He let out a soft groan as she put pressure at a soar spot.

"Does feel good, huh? I promised my friend to take care of you and I always keep my promises."

Frowning, Juice looked over his shoulder. The girl gave him an innocent smile.

"What friend?"

"Abigail," she winked. "She asked me to give you some love, said that you'd be good for me and that I'd be good for you."

"What? She asked you to massage me?"

"Among other things. She wants me to become your old lady." There was mischievous glance in her eyes.

Juice tensed. He hated the idea that she had  _wanted_ him to sleep with someone else. Wouldn't that hurt her? He knew he wouldn't be too happy if she would sleep with someone else anytime soon, and he would certainly not send some guy to help her a little.

"Relax, baby. I'm not going to hump you. You're totally smitten, aren't you?"

Juice felt a blush creeping to his cheeks. "No," he murmured. "She's... just cool."

The girl sat down next to him. "I'm not going to try to become your old lady," she said. "You're hot, no doubt about that..." she grinned, teasingly slipping a hand across his stomach. "But I'm not blind. I saw how she was looking at you – and how you were looking at her. And I know she doesn't want to date a Son, but if those feelings don't go away, she won't have much of a choice, does she?" she winked.

Skittishly he looked at the girl, not sure what she meant. "You really think she wants to be more than friends one day?"

"I do. She'll try to forget about her feelings, but she won't push you away. So you should just... keep in touch. Build a friendship, flirt a little. It might be hard that she's at the campus now but believe me, that girl can talk for hours on the phone. You want her number?"

"She uh, she already gave it to me," he said.

Her eyes widened. "No way!" She chuckled. "Damn. She really likes you. She's stupid for giving the two of you no chance."

Juice wasn't all too sure about that. Abigail had sensed his loneliness, if anything it had been a sign of friendship that she had given him her number.

"Have you already called or texted her?"

He shook his head. "No uhm, I didn't know what to say to her."

She lifted the corner of her mouth. "You're already sounding like a true Son. Being romantic over the phone isn't one of their talents. Well, just tell her I gave you a massage and that it sucked because you want to feel her hands all over your body."

Juice ran a hand across his mohawk. "I don't know... She was clear that she just wanted a friendship, I don't wanna push her. I already kissed her," he mumbled.

The girl chuckled. "You're damn cute. Come on, give her a call. Trust me, she's probably waiting for days. You don't want her to think you've already forgotten about her, right? Just keep it casual."

Juice took a deep breath. Suddenly there was nothing he wanted more than hearing her voice and he nodded. "Yeah okay... will do that."

"Good boy!" she smirked. "Now, lay down first so I can finish your back. After that you'll be fully relaxed to talk to her."

His lips formed a nervous smile as he laid down on his stomach, hoping he wouldn't back off again as soon as the girl was gone.


	9. Keep It Playful

Abigail was standing at the side of the room, next to a table on which all drinks were displayed. She had wanted to get a new beer, but the moon had caught her attention and now she was staring though the window. A week ago she had been lying on the roof of the clubhouse, staring at the same moon, her elbow touching his as they had folded their hands underneath their heads. She had felt so peaceful that night, so comfortable like she had known him for years.

Now she however had the feeling that she had imagined that special connection. She hadn't heard from him all week. Apparently she had just been a flirt, nice company for one day. Maybe he was so into Michelle that he didn't even thought about her anymore. She had wanted him to forget about his feelings for her, but she had still hoped for a close friendship.

"Penny for your thoughts," a voice sounded next to her.

A black-haired guy with two rings in his lip gave her a smile. She didn't know him – she actually knew no one around but her roommate. Ashley had taken her to this emo party because she needed support since her crush would be there, but she had disappeared with another guy in a room fifteen minutes ago and since then she was standing here all by herself. Usually she was spontaneous enough to make new friends, but not hearing anything from Juice was overshadowing her mood.

"I'm just tired," she answered. "Was a busy week. Ashley dragged me to this party but she's vanished now and I'm not in the best mood to make new friends." She gave him an apologetic smile. "Sorry."

Before he could answer, she felt her phone buzzing in her pocket. Immediately her heart leaped in her chest. Cursing herself, she forced herself to calm down. The whole week she had been freaking out every time her phone went off, until Ashley started to call her every ten minutes to get over it. And it had helped – yesterday. But now here thoughts had been with Juice, the hope blossomed up again.

Reaching for her phone, she saw that it was an unknown number.

"Sorry," she said to the guy, "have to take this."

Quickly she headed outside, the vibrating phone was shaking in her hand. This was madness – why was she so nervous? It was close to midnight, there was a fat chance that it was Juice.

Pressing a hand to her chest, hoping to calm down her heart, she took the call. "Hey, Abigail here."

Her voice sounded weird, like there was something stuck in her throat.

"Hey, it's Juice! Um am I interrupting something?"

Excitement spread through her veins as she heard his voice, immediately there was a smile on her lips. "You just saved me from an awkward emo party." She crossed the street. A few minutes from here was a park where she could sit on a bench – she hoped at least that it would be a long conversation and her legs felt wobbly now she was finally speaking to him again.

"An emo party?" he chuckled. "What's that? Some party where people cut each other?"

"That's rude." She rolled her eyes. "It's more a party where all the guys wear pink skinny jeans and wear eyeliner."

"Sounds gay."

"Well I do have a thing for men wearing eyeliner."

"Then it's good that you only wanna be friends cause I'm not starting with make-up for you. This dumb haircut and those tats are more than enough."

"Hmm too bad. Would have loved to see that."

"Bet ya do."

As he let out a soft laugh, her heart skipped a beat. Man, how she wished she was with him now, seeing his smile, feeling the sparks at every not so accidentally touch.

"So what took you so long? I thought that you'd ditched me."

"I dunno... I just wanted a story to tell I guess. There were a lot of almost-calls but uhm... well... I was afraid you'd find me boring."

"Well you not calling me was definitely boring. So, what's the excited story you want to tell me."

"I've been in the ring today and I knocked out Tig."

He sounded proud, making her chuckle. "You're really bragging about beating down an old man like Tig? What's your next step? Smashing Piney in the face?"

He was silent for a while, making her shake her head.

"I'm joking. I know Tig's a beast in the ring. So how many K.O'.s before you won?"

"Uh. None?"

She started to laugh. "Liar. Send me a pic of that cute face of yours. I bet it's all bruised."

"Okay maybe it is."

"Send me a pic."

"I don't want to cause you nightmares."

"Nah those will be sweet dreams. Me softly kissing all those bruises." She bit her lip, she had said that before thinking.

She felt the heat spread through her body as she heard him breath in sharply.

"You'll send me a pic too?"

"You really think that's a good idea? Having pictures on your phone of your sponsor's daughter?"

"I'm the tech nerd, remember? I'll make sure no one will find 'em."

"If you say so. You'll be the one hanging."

"I'll take my chances. I have almost forgotten what ya look like."

She heard a cracking noise, before the line went dead. "Yeah right, tech nerd my ass. You can't even make a selfie without ending the call," she said, shaking her head and using the time to make a selfie herself, blowing a kiss towards him.

A few seconds after she had sent the picture, she received Juice's.

"Oh god," she chuckled as she saw his battered face. He however was still grinning, his thumb up. "You look horrible," she said after the connection was restored.

"Told you. You however... look even more beautiful than I remembered."

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah yeah. Don't get cheesy now. So how did it go last week? Already feeling a little at home?"

"A little. No, things went well, I started working with the cars this week so I learned a lot. And how was your week? And what were you doing at that emo party?"

"My week was... casual. Boring – in other words. My roommate dragged me to that party because her crush was supposed to be there, but she ended up in bed with another guy."

"And there were no guys you wanted to go in bed with?"

She grinned. "You think I'd pick up the phone if there were?"

"Yeah, I bet you were fantasizing about me calling you instead of ripping some college boy's clothes off."

"Nah. One of the last things you said to me was that I was a bad kisser so I can think of more exciting things than talking to you."

"Yeah? Will I still be the one you'll do those exciting things with?"

His voice sounded darker than before, causing a shiver down her spine. Heat assembled in her lower regions and suddenly she was dying for his touch. "You to wonder, me to know. Speaking of exciting things... You already had some luck with the ladies over there?"

"You mean your friend Michelle?"

She felt a blush creep to her cheeks. "You like her?"

"She's friendly. Gives good massages. And good advises."

She frowned. "Advises about what?"

"You to wonder, me to know," the teased. "No I like her. Just not... you know. To have sex with."

"Why not? She's hot."

He was silent for a while. Suddenly she felt nervous, her fingers were tingling.

"She's not you."

She closed her eyes for a moment, a paralyzing feeling traveled through her chest. "Juice..."

"I know," he sighed. "And it's okay, really. I'm okay with us just being friends, but I'm just not in the mood to mess around with other girls. I rather talk with you."

She smiled. Gosh, he was so sweet, and deep down she felt an enormous relief because he hadn't slept with someone else. "Okay... well then talk!"

"About what?"

"I dunno. Just ask me the first question that pops up in your mind."

"Uh... you got a belly piercing?"

For a few seconds she just stared forward, then she started to laugh. It sounded so serious while it was such a weird question that she just couldn't stop for a few moments. "No... I don't. Where is that comin' from man?"

"I dunno, you said 'the first question that pops up'. You had one in that dream I had... and ever since I wondered if you really had one cause it looked fuckin' hot."

She shook her head, still grinning, rubbing her stomach without thinking. "What kind of piercing was it?"

"Uh – two shiny gems."

"Damn you really have an excellent memory."

There was an awkward silence for a moment, giving her the feeling that he was calling up more memories than the piercing alone now.

"You had more of those dreams?" she asked even though she knew she shouldn't ask questions like that.

"Would you want me to have more of 'em?"

"Maybe I do..." she whispered, feeling the heat flame up inside her.

"Maybe I had..."

She could clearly picture his grin now, the longing look in his eyes. As her brain also started to create images of the things she wanted to do with him, she quickly shook them off.

"Abigail..." He cleared his throat. His sudden serious tone made her hold her breath. "Suppose we still have those feelings after a year... would you give it a chance?"

She sighed, rubbing her forehead. "Juice..."

"But what if... I dunno, what if we're just made for each other?"

She let out a sarcastic laugh. "Are you fucking serious? We just met!"

"I don't claim that we are," he answered in a stubborn voice that was actually kinda cute. "It's just... some people believe in it. In soulmates and shit like that."

"Trust me, as long as you're in an MC you won't be my soulmate." She was silent for a while. "Did Michelle talk you into this? Is she telling you that I might change my mind? Cause I won't Juice. All your brothers, they are all part of broken families. Not a single one of them has a healthy relationship. I don't want that shit, I mean it. I'm sorry. I just can't handle that after having been alone for most of my childhood."

"Okay, I get it."

There was an awkward silence. Abigail suppressed a sigh, sensing that he was more serious about her than they both wanted. "You think it's easier for you to forget about me when we drop contact?"

"No! I like talking to you. I can handle it, don't worry. I just wanted to give it another shot. It's not that I'm hopelessly in love or something, but well, I do think we would have been a cool couple. Or more a hot couple, I guess." He chuckled, then he sighed softly. "Is it weird to miss you? Since the little time we spent? I just wish we could sit on the roof and talk and look at the stars and be friends – well maybe friends with some benefits? For I obviously lied to you; you're a great kisser."

Her lips curled into a smile again. "I miss you too." Listening to his voice was great, but she wanted to see him, wanted... other things. Man, he was really messing with her head."Next time that I'm in Charming we'll spend the night like we did last week."

"And when will that be?"

"I dunno... I'll try to fix something within five or six weeks."

"That sounds a whole lot better than 'a couple of months'," he answered, excitement dripping from his words.

"Yeah, it does..." she admitted, wondering how they would feel about each other at that time. She liked the flirting, liked the attention but she wanted things to stay playful, making sure that neither of them would get hurt.

"Okay uh, I guess I better hang up since you're still supposed to be at a party."

"And you should find some croweater to nurse you with that mutilated face of yours."

"Nah I'm good. You just told me you like guys with eyeliner, I bet this type of facial decoration turns you on too."

She chuckled. "Next time try the eyeliner."

"Maybe I will."

She could almost see him wiggle his eyebrows. Laughing, she shook her head. "Good night Juice."

"Good night Abby."

Then the call was ended. Abigail stared at her phone, suddenly feeling lonely. She opened the picture he had just sent her and smiled.

He was right. He did look hot with those bruises, especially in combination with that irresistible grin. Right now, it was a good thing they were so far away from each other.


	10. A Night To Remember

Juice was nervous all day. Three times he had rubbed the paint off his face to start over, but he couldn't get the star around his right eye symmetrical and because of his OCD it made his fingers itch. After two more attempts he gave up and started to apply the white paint to the rest of his face. After putting on the black wig he studied himself in the mirror, smirking because he really looked like an idiot.

But today it was allowed to be an idiot.

He grabbed his phone to see how much longer it would take before she would be here. Fifteen minutes, he estimated. He shoved the device back in the pocket of his black jeans and put on his cut. For the first time in his life he was wearing nothing underneath it; when he had looked up the band pictures he had seen that it was quite common in the scene.

His footsteps were bouncy as he left his room an headed for the clubhouse. After six weeks he would finally see her again! He felt like a kid on Christmas Eve, even though the only present he would probably get was a hug from Abigail. The thought of it already made his legs feel weak and he knew there would be a smile plastered to his face until the moment she left again.

The past weeks they had both been confronted with huge phone bills, but it hadn't decreased their contact. Since that first call they had called each other almost every other night, with lots of meaningless texts in between. And all this time, his feelings had grown. He however tried to keep them to himself, not knowing if she experienced the same and even if she did, it wouldn't change a thing. Despite the fact that they were still flirting in an innocent way, he had made peace with the fact that she would never become his. Nevertheless he enjoyed having this crush, even though it made him feel like he was 13 again, with the butterflies in his stomach and the ever present dreamy smile on his face.

Right before Juice entered the clubhouse, he suddenly feared that he was the only one who was dressed up for Halloween. Wouldn't that be a typical joke – giving a casual party but letting the prospect get all dressed up? Abigail hadn't said much about the costume she would wear, maybe she was also in on it. A little relieved he breathed in when he found Chibs and Bobby; the first dressed as the Joker and the second as a zombie. He grinned at the two, happy that he wasn't the only one who had painted his face.

"Aye. There ye finally are. Get us some beer lad."

Juice nodded and went behind the bar, taking a few beers out of the fridge which he handed to the Sons that were already around. Every time the door opened his eyes shot to the person entering the clubhouse, his heart leaping in his chest, his hands so clammy that the drinks almost slipped.

When she finally arrived, he was a bundle of nerves. He froze, his eyes were almost popping out of their sockets as he saw the brown and golden Egyptian like dress she was wearing, accentuating all her beautiful curves. The brief glimpse he caught of her was enough to make him hard and he was glad that he stood behind the bar so nobody would notice. Her smoky eyes fluttered around the clubhouse. When her eyes rested on him he held his breath, but she moved her attention to the others as if he was just one of the guys.

Juice's shoulders slumped as disappointment filled him and he bent his head, staring at the drink in his hand. He didn't know what he had expected, maybe that she would jump in his arms or something, but he felt stupid now. He was just one of the guys. One of her brothers.

As he looked up again she caught his glance and he showed her a shaky smile, suddenly feeling insecure about their friendship. A smile crossed her lips and a few moments later she was behind the bar and squeezed him in a hug.

"Man I didn't even recognize you!" she laughed, tugging on his wig while still holding him. He closed his eyes as he held her close, her scent made him feel dizzy. Reluctantly he let go of her because he had the feeling that everyone was watching him. Their pinkies hooked and he felt a blush spreading across his face, suddenly relieved that he was wearing face paint.

"You look beautiful," he said, with his left hand touching the golden headband with the head of a snake. "You really look like an Egyptian goddess."

"Yeah, you're so experienced with exotics gods?" She lifted the corner of her mouth as she checked out his chest. Leaning into him, she whispered: "Although you surely have the body of a god." She gave him a wink, then she aimed her eyes at the glasses at the bar. "Gimme a drink, prospect."

Hating to have to let go of her hand, he turned away and gave her a beer.

"So... what about the KISS-outfit?" she asked as she took a swig of her drink. "Thought you'd never wear make-up for me?"

He shrugged a shoulder. "You're inspiring. Although all that hair is annoying as hell so it won't take long before I will toss it away."

She smirked. "Good. You know I love your tats. Hey I'm going to say hi to the others but come dance with me when they give you a break," she told him, briefly kissing his cheek. He shivered at the touch of her soft lips, wishing she had placed them a little more to the left.

"Yeah, sure," he said, feeling warmth bubble up at the prospect to dance with her. With a huge smile he watched her leave the bar area, her hips swinging in a way that made his mouth dry.

She was so perfect. So fucking perfect.

* * *

"Ey brother. That ain't bothering ya?" Tig nudged his shoulder, nodding to the left.

Chibs followed his gaze, grinning as he saw his daughter dance with the prospect. He was no idiot, of course he knew there was something going on between his daughter and the lad. He was aware of their countless phone calls, he knew the two could talk for hours and when Abigail had entered the clubhouse she'd had only eyes for Juicy. She tried to hide it, was talking with the others too, she even persuaded Happy to dance with her but when she danced with Juice it was much more intimate and he could see the sparks fly.

They were in love – they both were. His eyes showed nothing but admiration and her smile had never been so enchanted as it was now.

"Why would it bother me?" he asked. "If I can tolerate you checkin' out my daughter's ass all the time, I can deal with a twenty year younger guy too."

"Well it's only my eyes on her ass, bet Juicy will use his hands soon too."

"Nah, he won't," he said with a smirk. "Not in public at least. Kid got some respect."

His daughter was a grown woman, there wasn't much he could do about it anyway. Not that he would tell them. It was much more interesting and fun to see how it would all play out if the lad thought he was against a relationship.

* * *

It felt like the best night of his life. As time went by and more drinks glided down their gullets, their attention shifted from the people around them to each other. When a slow song was played, she wrapped her arms around him and swayed on the music. Juice kept his hands on her hips and continuously told himself he couldn't kiss her. However, the whole time he was afraid to lose control and all the people around them made him nervous, making him nod eagerly when she suggested to go to the roof to look at the stars again.

Before he did, he asked Chibs if he was okay with Abigail and him talking on the roof, not wanting to neglect his tasks as a prospect. His sponsor gave him a stern look before he nodded.

"Just talkin', huh Juicy boy?"

"Y-yes," he muttered, feeling the heat rise to his cheeks. "Just talkin'. We're just friends. Really."

"Good."

He met Abigail at the exit, who was holding a bottle of tequila in her hand. She leaned against him as they walked to the fire stairs, both wobbly and tipsy. On the roof she spread out a plaid and dropped down. The moment he sat next to her, she pulled off the black wig and tossed it aside.

"Much better," she grinned, running a hand across his mohawk. "I really thought you would let it grow back."

"Nah I like it," he said as he laid down on his back, leaning on his elbows and staring at the stars. He had loved spending time with her in the clubhouse, but lying together here gave him a feeling he'd never experienced.

For some time they just chatted, sharing the bottle of tequila. Her index finger was curling around his knuckles, almost thoughtlessly. He enjoyed the little touches that gave him the feeling that this was more than friendship. It was something... new. Something between being friends and being lovers and although he would always want more, he liked the current situation a lot.

"Oh by the way, I have to show you something," she said with a grin after they had been quiet for a while.

Juice's eyes widened as she started to roll up her dress.

"What?" she grinned at the sight of his shocked face. "C'mon, you've seen my underwear before," she said, exposing her black lacy panties. "But that wasn't what I wanted to show you." She lifted the dress higher, showing off her flat stomach with... two gems in her belly button.

"No way," he said, shaking his head. Turning on his side, he studied the piercing from close. "You said you had none."

"It's new. Thought after mutilating your body, I should do something to myself too," she chuckled. "Something that would make  _me_  look hot, this time."

Juice laid a hand on her stomach, his thumb carefully touching the gems. "Is it real?"

"Yeah of course it is."

He took a closer look since it was dark on the roof. "Well it really is hot." His breathing was brushing her skin and he could feel her shiver. Her warm skin was just an inch away and suddenly he could no longer hold back. Softly his lips touched her stomach, making her gasp and encouraging him to leave another kiss on her skin – wetter this time.

His heart was racing in his chest, he felt all the blood being drained to one particular area. He looked up at her, saw the dark look in her eyes.

"Go on," she whispered. "I like where this is goin'."

His lips were tingling, his head a mess. He climbed on top of her, a knee on each side of hers as he laid his hands against her sides and spread more kisses on her stomach, lower and lower. She tilted her pelvis impatiently and he wrapped back the elastic of her panties, leaving kisses on the new exposed strip of skin. His breathing sped up as his chin touched her lacy panties and he softly sucked her skin, leaving a love bite.

Right when he wanted to move his lips to her tights, a voice startled him.

"Yo prospect. Is your dorm not excitin' enough for you?"

Immediately he sat up straight, looking wildly to the fire stairs where Jax was standing.

"He's servin' me," Abigail said while she sat up too, pulling down the skirt of her dress shamelessly. "C'mon, you can all make fun of him through the week, let me have my fun too man."

Jax's eyes grew wide as he saw the girl; he clearly had believed that he had taken a croweater to the roof.

His eyes rested on Juice again. "Leave," he said shortly, lighting a cigarette.

Juice nodded, his cheeks flaming red. He didn't dare to look for Abigail's approval, knowing that he should obey his vice president either way.

While Abigail was clearly raising protests, Juice swung his leg over the edge of the roof. Still tipsy, embarrassed and in love he lacked concentration, slipping after taking three steps. Yelling, he fell down, thousand thoughts racing through his head before he hit the concrete and felt a horrible pain in his leg and chest. 


	11. Nightmares and Dreams

Abigail cramped as panicked screams filled the air. Immediately she jumped up and ran to the edge of the roof. The sight of Juice's body lying motionlessly on the ground caused a jolt of pain in her stomach. "Oh god," she whispered. "Juice!!"

Suddenly she felt dizzy, her surroundings started to spin. Was he dead? Jax pushed her on her knees. "Stay there," he said in a firm tone, "we don't want you to end up next to him, huh?"

After these words he climbed down, taking two steps at a time until he had reached the man. Abigail was sobbing, her fist pressed to her lips. There was a pool of blood around his head. Below her Jax was talking to him, and more people rushed towards them.

Abigail took a deep breath and listened. She heard his cries of pain, giving her a strange sense of relief.  _He is alive._ With shaking hands she grabbed the fire stairs and climbed down, slowly, taking step by step.

As she reached the ground, her father was already sitting beside him, examining his head wound. Jax stood a few steps away and was calling someone – probably the ambulance. Abigail ignored the others, sat down on her knees and carefully took his hand into hers.

He looked up to her, his eyes full of tears, panic written all over his face. "You'll be fine," she said, kissing his knuckles. "You'll be fine baby. I stay with you."

She however wasn't convinced of her own words and she could hear it in her voice. He had trouble breathing and she was afraid that he had a collapsed lung.

It didn't take long before an ambulance pulled up the lot. Two paramedics jumped out of the vehicle and lifted him on a gurney. Without any discussion Abigail went with them while one of the caregivers sat down in the back with Juice.

* * *

It became a long night. Her father sat beside her, now and then rubbing her back as she started to cry again. He didn't ask questions and Abigail was glad about that. It had been a stupid accident but she couldn't help to feel guilty. If she hadn't taken him to the roof he would never have fallen and if she hadn't encouraged him to kiss her like that, he wouldn't have been in such a hurry when Jax sent him away.

The other Sons were around too, all looking ridiculous in their Halloween outfits. At least for the other visitors they were an interesting distraction but all Abigail could see was all the blood around Juice's head, and his gasps for breath were terrorizing her.

After an hour they finally received some news; he had two broken ribs of which one had pierced his lung, he had broken his leg twice and he had a bad concussion. The nurse assured them that the injuries were not life-threatening, and relieved Abigail wiped away the tears.

"Can I go to him?" she asked quietly.

"Only for a few minutes, he needs to rest."

Abigail nodded and walked with the woman to the hospital room. He had closed his eyes and was on an IV. A lump appeared in her throat as she took his hand in hers. Slowly his eyes opened. The pain was gleaming in his eyes, but nevertheless he managed to lift the corners of his mouth.

"Hey," he said in a rasping voice. "Hope I didn't scare you."

"Of course not, you guys are fallin' of the roof regularly."

He chuckled, and his face cramped. "Fuck it hurts to laugh."

"Only serious talk for you for the rest of the week." She looked with a slight grin at his black and white painted face. She turned around and asked a nurse for a sponge and a bowl of water, knowing they would have done it the moment she was gone otherwise.

After receiving the things she had asked for she returned to Juice and carefully started to brush the paint off his face. She felt how he stared at her and his wide brown eyes made her a little shy. 

"Are you in a lot of pain?" she asked while she carefully wiped the black paint around his eye away.

"Nah. I can handle it."

She chuckled. "Gonna play the big boy now?"

He showed her a weak smile before his eyes drooped. In silence she cleaned his face. When all the paint was gone, she stroked his cheek with the back of her fingers. He had been so close to dying... She took a few deep breaths to pull herself together.  _But he didn't._

Right when she wanted to turn around to let him sleep, his fingers laced with hers and he opened his eyes again. "Am I fucked now Jax saw us?" he asked.

"You're fucked because you fell off a roof."

He showed her a tired smile. Without thinking, she brushed her thumb across his lower lip, wondering how someone who had just been in such an accident could still look so handsome.

"You think he's gonna tell your dad?"

"He knows he's fucked if he does."

"Why?" His voice sounded weak, as if he was drifting away.

"Because Jax and I have a little secret too." She bent over him and kissed the corner of his mouth. "But that's none of your business, sweetheart." She pulled her fingers away from his. "You have to sleep now. I'll be here tomorrow, okay? Sweet dreams. Just picture some of these hot nurses."

He opened his eyes again, although he couldn't hold them open for long. "I'll dream about you. Dressed up like a hot nurse. Although I like this dress too. I think I'd like every dress you would wear. Or no dress at all."

"Such a ladies' man huh. Even in the hospital bed."

"Not a ladies' man. Just... your man."

"Okay," she answered softly, kissing his forehead. "Then be my man in your dreams." She briefly stroked his cheek with her thumb, then she turned around and left the room.

And as she thought back to how his lips on her stomach had felt, she decided that he would not only be hers in his dreams. She could use a good sleep with sweet dreams too. 


	12. Drunk & In Love

In the three weeks after the accident, Juice often thought back to that night. Not about the fall itself – but about the simmering skin underneath his lips, her holding her breath as he dotted kissed down her body... How far would she have allowed him to go if Jax hadn't interrupted them? 

They had never mentioned it again. Maybe she regretted it and had it only been the alcohol that had made her do it. After all, she was the one who wanted to stay friends and still she had encouraged him to continue with something... intimate. 

They still called each other every other day, and by now there wasn't much that Juice kept secret from her. The tone of their conversations however had changed – it seemed less playful, less flirty. 

They were just friends now, and even though he had never allowed himself to hope for something more, there was still this heavy feeling in his chest. He wanted more. He still did. He even dared to say that he was hopelessly in love with her, for she was on his mind all day long and every time he received a text from her, his heart leaped in his chest and his hands got clammy. 

He had no idea how to get rid off those feelings – even though he didn't try very hard. There was no girl in the clubhouse that managed to keep his attention for more than a few seconds. It might be stupid, but he didn't even want to kiss someone else, as if her taste was still in his mouth and would disappear after kissing another girl.

Juice was dragged out of his thoughts when he suddenly felt an arm around his shoulders. "You need a good drink boy." Tig shoved a bottle towards him. "I've never met such a boring kid."

"Oh..." Juice didn't know what to answer. Actually he couldn't remember he had ever talked to the man before, usually he just pretended that Juice didn't exist. He doubted it was a good idea to drink a lot – he was still walking with crutches and he was afraid things would even get worse if he fell  _again._

The blue of Tig's eyes however didn't leave him much of a choice and thus Juice started with the bottle. 

And after that, with a second.

It didn't take long before he was drunk, no longer paying attention to whatever came out of his mouth. 

"So you miss her?" Tig asked with a smirk that would have alarmed him if he had been sober. 

Apparently he had said something about Abigail. But the man didn't seem to be angry. That was good, right? Maybe it wasn't that bad that he was in love with her. 

"Yeah... I miss her a lot." He leaned with his elbows on the bar and stared forward with sad eyes. "Maybe I should call her." His lips curled up, until he remembered that she was with friends tonight. 

"Am I stupid for still hoping that she will fall in love with me Tiggy?" Juice asked a little later. He stared into the empty glass and it was hard to concentrate on the man's words.

"Not at all, kid. I saw the magic between the two of you when you were dancing at the Halloween party. Chibs was this close to bash your head open." He lifted his hand, showing the tiny space between his thumb and index finger.

"Seriously?" he asked dazed, not knowing to exactly which of these comments that was a response. Nevertheless a lazy smile spread across his face. 

"Maybe you just have to show her what she's missing."

With glassy eyes Juice looked at the other. "What do you mean?"

He wasn't sure that he had asked that question out loud until Tig answered: "Just send her some spicy images."

"Huh? You mean like porn?"

"No. Just some pictures of yourself. Can be thrilling, huh? Maybe she'll sent you something back." Tig moved his eyebrows up and down.

"Hmm." For a moment he squeezed his eyes, imagining pictures of her where she was only wearing lingerie – and then without clothes at all. He breathed in sharply, unintentionally touching his crotch when he was getting a hard one. With interest, Tig's gaze wandered to his waist and quickly Juice pulled back his hand, feeling ashamed. 

"Maybe it will turn her on if you do that in front of the camera."

When Juice just stared stupidly at him, Tig made a jerking gesture in front of his waist. 

"Ooh..." Juice understood what he meant. "But uh, she's with friends."

Tig shrugged his shoulders. "They are all horny college girls. You gonna give 'em the night of their lives with a bit of cam sex."

Suddenly Juice's throat felt so dry that he grabbed for his glass. Only after keeping it upside down above his mouth for at least half a minute, he realized that it was probably empty. "Is there... more?" He looked a little helplessly at Tig.

"Think you've had enough, Juicy. You don't wanna puke in front of the camera, do ya?"

"No." He wrinkled his nose. "Don't think she'll find that hot."

"I have to agree with you." With a devilish smirk Tig wrapped an arm around his shoulder. "I'm sure Abby is missin' ya. She just needs to... realize. With a little help."

With wide eyes Juice stared at him. "You think?"

"I know her since she was a little girl. She has a thing for guys who dare to try something new. Who know no shame. A confident man... that's all she wants. Someone who whispers in her ear all the dirty things he wanna do with her..."

A little compelling, his fingers squeezed Juice's shoulder. Between his legs there was throbbing sensation and suddenly being alone with Abigail was all he wanted. But she wasn't around. All he had, was his phone.

"Okay," he said to Tig, convinced that the man knew what he was doing. "Okay, I'm gonna do that."

He slipped off the bar stool and knocked over the crutches that had been leaning against the bar. Clumsily he picked them up, his recovering leg swung around and hit another bar stool. Grunting he stood up straight, hitting his head against the bar. 

"C'mon, lean on me," Tig chuckled, swinging an arm around him. "You better not call her before you're sure you don't have to get up anymore."

With help of the man Juice limped to this dorm room. 

"Thanks Tiggy," he said as he had reached the door, showing the man a genuine smile. It felt like he had finally connected with one of the other Sons. 

"No problem Juicy. Have fun. Let me know how it went." 

Juice nodded enthusiastically, stumbled towards his bed and flopped down. His room was spinning around him and he had a hard time opening an Instant Message with her. 


	13. Humiliation

"For real... which one of you has a stalker?" Paul asked. His feet rested upon the coffee table, a bag of chips in his lap. The bag cracked so loudly with every large hand he took out that it surprised Abigail that he could even hear the constant buzzing. She grabbed her purse from the ground to see if it was her phone that was buzzing. The movie they were watching wasn't all too exciting, so she wouldn't miss the clou by glancing at her phone. 

There were six messages from Juice. Frowning, she opened the chat window. 

_Hi._

_Im fuckign durnk_

_And I miss you fso fucking much abigial_

_You knwo what iI would do with you if yyoud been with me now?_

_..._

_....._

Sighing, she shook her head. The last time they had both been tipsy, it had almost led to something that she would have regretted later. It had happened to her before – friendships just weren't the same after going down that road. She didn't want that for Juice and her, she liked him as a friend – but he had to accept that that was all she was gonna be. His friend.

_Go to sleep, Juice. Last time you drank too much you almost killed yourself. I'm watching a movie now, can't talk to you anyway._

She put her phone on the table since she was wearing a dress and had no pockets, and aimed her attention to the tv screen. Again her phone lit up, but Abigail assumed he was sending her something like '☹' and 'goodnight then...' and ignored him. 

He however didn't stop, and she decided to mute her phone. Right before she could grab the device, Ashley snatched it away and opened the chat. 

"Now I'm curious what that stalker is telling you," she chuckled, scrolling down. "I bet it's Juice. – Hell he really can't text, it's like a fucking cipher." She laughed. "What kind of movie are you watching," she read out loud. "Are there naked people in it? I can show you naked? Followed by ten emoticons with wobbling eyebrows." 

"Juice?" Paul asked. "Who the hell is Juice? What's that for stupid name anyway?"

"He's just a friend. A drunk friend, right now," Abigail muttered. 

"How do you know him?" Marthe asked. Her blue eyes were shining with curiosity. "I haven't heard his name before."

She shrugged her shoulders. "He's in the same motorclub as my dad. He –"

"O god, he sends a picture!" Ashley called out, and she whistled. "Damn, well he  _does_ have a body girl! Hallelujah."

Abigail snatched the phone out of her hands, making Ashley laugh louder. 

"Calm down lady, you don't have to get so frisky."

Abigail however didn't look at the picture and only wrote:  _Juice stop. I'm with friends and this is fucking embarrassing._

The moving dots showed that he was typing an answer.  _You don't havje to feel ashamed of me, I know that you findd me hot  ;)_

"Hey, now I am curious too. Can I see the picture?" Marthe asked with a smirk. 

"No," Abigail muttered, a blush on her cheeks. 

"Ah c'mon, it isn't like he's naked or something," Ashley insisted. 

Abigail knew there was no getting away from this. Nobody was watching the movie anymore, and if she would put away her phone now, one of them would just steal it from her. Sighing, she scrolled up and clicked on the picture. 

She swallowed as she saw his bare chest. He was sitting on a chair – clearly in his dorm – leaning a little back so his abs were tensed. Still she showed the photo unwillingly. 

Over her shoulder, Paul looked at the screen too. He scrunched his nose. "What an idiot."

"I think he's cute," Marthe giggled – she was always giggling when she had drank some wine. 

_You wanna see more? can show you my big dick and then you can tell your firends what you wanan do with it ;)_

"Okay now he's going too far," Marthe muttered. "What a perv."

"Usually he isn't like this," Abigail answered embarrassed. She took back her phone.  _Please stop Juice. I don't like this at all. I feel fucking ashamed._

_Why? You didnt feel ashamed whem we were at the roof. if jax hadnt found us you'd let me lick your pussy and i woulda made you cum fuckin hard._

"Asshole," she grunted, turning off the device. "Can we please just continue the movie?" There was a nasty feeling in her stomach, she  _hated_ this. "He's never like this. But when he's drunken he's apparently a real dick."

* * *

Abigail tried to aim her attention back to the movie, but the messages kept racing through her head. Although her friends were drinking wine and beer, Abigail limited herself to soda, afraid of what would happen if she became drunk too. 

After the movie, Ashley leaned with her head against her shoulder. "Did he sent you more texts?"

"I have no idea," she grumbled. 

"Come on, lemme watch. I think it's hot," she chuckled. 

"Well I don't."

"C'mon Abby, don't be such a baby. Those are just some drunk messages, don't make such a big deal out of it."

Abigail pursed her lips. Was she making a big deal out of it? If it had been someone else, she might have laughed about it, but this just wasn't the Juice she knew. With a sigh she handed over her phone. "I don't wanna know, okay? Just delete everything."

Eagerly, Ashley bent over the phone. Marthe stood up and sat down on the armrest of the couch to watch; Paul was on his phone, undoubtedly complaining to his two friends that they hadn't shown up tonight, leaving him with some giggling girls. 

The two girls next to her didn't stop laughing. 

"Really... what an idiot," Ashley grinned. "Although... some messages are kinda cute. Read this."

Sighing, Abigail did what her friend asked. When she had stopped answering him, he had clearly paid more attention to his texts, for there were less typo's. 

_Your all I can think about Abby._

_I wanna kiss you_

_I wanna kiss your breasts and suck your nipples_

_I wanna lick you until your screamin my name_

_You want me to warm you up a lil?_

A photo followed, on which he was only wearing his boxers. Abigail felt sick – she feared what was about to come. 

_You wanna send me a pic too? :$_

_Without a shirt?_

_And without pants? :$_

_....._

_....._

And ten minutes later:  _Okay then I'll just fantasize what you will look like. You wanna watch me when I'm thinkin bout you?_

There was a video. She didn't want to see it, she started to feel sicker and sicker and tears were stinging in her eyes when Ashley opened the video. 

"Holy fuck," she stammered. "He's really jerkin' off in front of the camera."

His moans echoed through the room, now and then she clearly heard her name. 

"Please turn it off." She wiped her eyes. "I really don't think this is funny anymore. I'm leaving." She got up and held out her hand. "Gimme my phone."

"Ah come on Abby," Paul objected. "You can't leave me with those two! Gimme that phone, I'll send him a dick pic so you can tell him you already found a bigger one for tonight."

She rolled her eyes. "I won't stoop to his level. I'm going. I feel sick."

She pulled her phone out of Ashley's hands and rushed out of the door. The minute she walked through the hallway, the tears were streaming down her face. She could take a lot, but  _this_... she felt fucking humiliated. 

When she reached her own room, she sat down on the bed, sniffling. For a while she just stared at the screen. Then she started to type with trembling fingers:  _This is the most disgusting thing someone has ever done to me. I feel humiliated, Juice. It won't get through to your stupid drunk brain now, but I bet it does when your hangover is gone tomorrow. Don't call me or send me texts, I don't wanna see or talk to you anytime soon. Thanks for fucking up our friendship._

She turned off the device, curled on her side and stared at the wall. Silent tears running down her cheeks.


	14. Regret

Juice turned on the water and held his mouth under the tap. It didn't erase the bitter taste in his mouth and he brushed his teeth with a big blob of toothpaste. His head was pounding with every move he made; his stomach was still upset. He was hungry, but he was sure he would throw up the slightest bit of food. 

"Oh fuck man," he sighed when he turned around and discovered that most of tonight's puke had ended up next to toilet instead of in it. The sight of it made the bile creep up again, quickly he returned to his bedroom. He would clean that later, once his stomach was a little calmer. 

Before he sat down on the edge of the bed, he slammed some water and painkillers. What the hell had happened yesterday? Sure, he had been blind drunk many times, but there hadn't been a special party last night – it had just been a regular Saturday night. He had shared some drinks with Tig and then...

"Fuck." He remembered flashes. Had he called Abigail? Or wait – he had sent her texts. Suddenly an image crossed his mind, where he had been jerking off. That wasn't exactly something he had never done before, but still it caused a nasty feeling in his stomach. 

_No, I didn't, right...?_

His headache became ten times worse as he took his phone from the nightstand. Immediately he looked into the last conversation with her. His heart was racing in his chest, but even before he had read one of the messages he knew that he had screwed up. He felt so nervous that he couldn't even read the sentences, but when he first saw a picture where he was shirtless and later one where he was only wearing boxers, he felt sicker and sicker. 

"Oh shit man. Oh fuck," he kept repeating as he read the texts that had been sent. From the beginning she had sounded annoyed, and even being drunk he didn't know how he couldn't have pick that up. His answer that she  _had_ wanted to do things with him during Halloween, filled him with shame, although it paled at the sight of the video of which he watched the first seconds. 

Tears stung his eyes, he couldn't remember he had ever felt so ashamed. Her last message, in which she wrote that this was the most disgusting thing someone had ever done to her, that she felt humiliated and that he had fucked up their friendship, hit him hard. 

He lowered his phone, supporting his head with his hands. Fuck. How could he have done this? What the hell should he do now? He didn't want to give her up, not because of something so stupid like this. He however knew she wouldn't answer the phone and would ignore his texted apologies, and he didn't think that was enough either. 

If he wanted to save their friendship, he needed to talk to her in person.

And so he took a quick shower, put his clothes on and searched for her address on the internet. It was still early in the morning, and as far as he knew, nothing was planned for this Sunday. Hopefully he would be back before someone had missed him. 

_Imagine that she will show that video and conversation to her_ _father_ _..._

Fear squeezed his throat. God – what if she would really do that? What if she felt so hurt that she believed this was the ultimate payback? Then he wouldn't only lose her, but also the club – his safety. Even though he might not even need protection anymore; there was a big chance that Chibs would kill him himself. 

* * *

Twice he had to stop at the side of the road to throw up. That he was still having a hell of a hangover wasn't helping either, but it were mainly shame and fear that were shaking up his body. 

As soon as he neared the student flat where she was living, his whole body was shaking. He was so scared that he was afraid to cry before he would even reach her door. Taking a few deep breaths, he crossed the street towards a small mall where he bought the biggest bouquet of flowers he could find. She would probably refuse them, but he didn't want to arrive with empty hands and for some reason the fresh scent of the flowers calmed him down a little. 

Stabs were plaguing his stomach as he walked back and entered the flat. Afraid of a panic attack inside a narrow space as the elevator, he decided to take the stairs. When he reached the third floor a few minutes later, he was already out of breath. 

Before he could knock on the door, he leaned against the wall and took a deep breath. His face was glowing, he felt sweat gliding down his back.

"Come on," he whispered to himself. "You're the one who fucked this up."

He raised his hand and drummed his knuckles against the wood. Nervously he swallowed, preparing for the worst; that she would slam the door into his face. 

Footsteps came closer. The bouquet was shaking in his hand, his heart was racing so wild in his chest that he feared his ribs would be bruised again. 

The door opened. 

It however wasn't Abigail who opened the door, but another black haired girl. She glanced briefly at him, then she flashed him a wide grin. 

"Hi Juice. You're gonna give us a live performance now?" she winked. 

His cheeks turned flaming red, and he murmured a denial. "Uh... Is Abigail around?"

"She's showering, don't think it will take much longer. You can wait inside."

Juice nodded gratefully. All his muscles were so tensed that he was afraid he could collapse any moment. She gestured him to sit down on the left bed, which he did. He stared at the stems of the flowers; he had squeezed them so hard some of them were broken.

He didn't dare to look up, even though he knew her roommate was studying him from the other bed. Luckily she asked no questions. In silence he listened to the shower raining down on the other side of the wall, and when it was turned off he was so nervous he was afraid to puke again. 

Not much later the bathroom door opened. Skittishly he glanced up – and a shock went through his body as he saw that she was only wearing lingerie. Her towel she had wrapped around her head. 

She froze the moment she saw him. 

"Oh fuck," he stammered. "Sorry. Sorry Abigail. I'll wait at the hallway. Sorry," he rambled, quickly turning around and fleeing the room, even though he wasn't sure she would invited him back in. 

Shakily, he leaned against the wall. People walked past, looking curiously at him. He stared past them, still feeling so nervous he was close to tears. 

After what felt like eternity, the door was opened. Hopefully he looked at Abigail. She closed the door behind her and answered his glance in silence. 

"I'm so sorry," he started. "I don't know what came over me. I was drunk and I missed you and Tig said..." He took a deep breath. No, he couldn't blame Tig. That would only make her more furious. "I wasn't thinking," he said in a tiny voice. "I was really drunk."

"Yeah I figured that out," she answered coldly. "There was no need to tell me that in person."

"I want to apologize. And not with another dumb message." He held out his hand with the flowers. "I'm really sorry Abigail. You have no idea how ashamed I feel."

"Apparently not that much that you don't dare to look me in the eye again," she huffed, without making a move to take the flowers from him. "I go back inside Juice. Bye."

His shoulders slumped down. In disbelief, he stared at her. Sure – he had been afraid things would go this way, but her words still hurt. 

"I made a mistake," he murmured. "I'm sorry. It won't happen again."

"Not if I block your number, no."

"Abby, please..." He didn't care that he was begging. "It was just a drunk thing. Please, give me another chance. I just – I just wanna be friends."

She sighed. "I don't think you can be ' just friends' with me, Juice. I assume you don't send videos like that to all your friends."

"But have you never done something stupid when you were drunk?" he still tried.

"I'm only embarrassing myself when I'm drunk. You humiliated  _me._ You knew my friends were there."

Juice wanted to claim that he hadn't been able to think about anything at all that moment, but he knew there was no point in it. As for her, their friendship was over. And he couldn't exactly force her into anything. 

Hesitating, he tried to hand her the bouquet once more. "Please – please take these. As I sign of my regret."

"No, I don't want any reminder of this. I just want you to leave me alone."

She turned around and reached for the door handle. 

"Wait!" He grabbed her shoulder. "You're gonna – you're gonna tell your dad?"

She looked over her shoulder. Her eyes looked like embers. "So that's the real reason you're here? You're afraid they're gonna kick you out?"

"I don't want to lose you  _and_ the club because of one drunk night. Please Abigail. I'm good as dead without them. I know that you're pissed, but you do care at least a little about me, right?"

"I dunno Juice. Maybe I thought you could just fill the void that Opie left behind when he was sent to jail. It was a stupid thought."

Her words stung. Was it true? Was he just a replacement? "I don't believe that," he said softly. "If that was true, you wouldn't have felt so hurt now."

"I don't give a shit what you believe or not. Go away Juice. I let you know if I start to miss you, but don't hold your hopes up high."

His shoulders hung down helplessly. There was nothing more he could say. "And your dad?" he asked quietly. 

She looked up to him, her jaw clenched. "You'll find out soon enough."

She slammed the door behind her. Defeated, Juice stared at the ground. But as he headed for the exit, annoyance crept underneath his skin. He understood why she was pissed – but come on, she was really overreacting now. Since she had grown up around the club, he was sure she had done her own share of stupid things when she was drunk. 

By the time he stood outside, he threw the flowers on the ground, crushed them underneath his boots and rushed to his bike. 


	15. Distance

"I really don't get it," Ashley sighed. She was sitting on her bed, cross-legged, painting her fingernails in various colors. Her bedspread was covered with vials of nail polish. "That guy is hot as hell. And he's fucking cute too, with his big bunch of flowers. On his free Sunday morning he drove all the way to your home to apologize. For real, if you turn down a guy like him, who  _will_ be good enough for you?"

"This has nothing to do with being good enough for me. We are just friends and he should behave that way. He knows that a friendship is all I want."

"Does he? Maybe you should hide that hungry look a little better; it looks like you want to rip off his clothes the whole time."

"Before a few minutes ago you've never seen me in the same room with him," she huffed.

Ashley shrugged her shoulders. "I see how you are looking at his pictures on your phone over and over again. You are totally in love with him."

"I'm not. I just miss him sometimes. As a  _friend._ "

"Uh-huh." She rolled her eyes. "Then what was that text about yesterday? About the roof? It sounded like he was just about to go down on you when someone interrupted you."

Shame colored her cheeks red. "I had drank too much. He was just kissing my stomach."

"Oh, so you can drink too much but he can't?"

"I was tipsy, not blind drunk. If he had told me he didn't want to kiss me like that, I wouldn't have forced him. But he kept sending those texts and pictures yesterday and come on – he was jerking off in front of the camera man! Don't act like that's normal." Her voice cracked, she still had a hard time believing that he had really done that.

Ashley shrugged her shoulders. "If you allow him to kiss your stomach, I can't blame him. How should that guy know what he can and can't do with you?"

"I told him ten times to stop!" she snapped. "What's so difficult about that?!"

"You don't have to yell, Abby. How long do we know each other? Four years? I have seen you in love only a few times and trust me – you have fallen for him. Hard. Why are you trying so hard to stay friends if it's clear as day that you  _both_ want more?"

"I. Don't. Want. More," she grumbled. "I just wanna be friends. And as it seems he can't be just friends, so now we're nothing at all."

She was not in the mood to talk about this, and certainly not with Ashley. She wouldn't understand anyway. She thought that she had to enjoy life  _now_ , that she should just have fun with a guy for a couple of months and turn to the next if he started to bore her. But she wasn't like that. She wanted something serious. Something with a future. And Juice couldn't give her one.

With her foot she pulled her shoes closer and put them on. Without saying another word she headed out. Her eyes were itching, but the tears didn't fall before she was downstairs and left the front door. The bouquet of flowers was scattered across the ground, crushed, the tiles covered with broken flower buds. She wiped her eyes. 

It felt like a symbol of their broken friendship. 

She sped up her pace and strolled aimlessly through the streets. In the end she sat down on the edge of a fountain in the park and raked her hand through the cold water. He was barely gone and she already missed the texts, the phone calls. Never before she had talked for hours through the phone. She never bored him – and he never bored her. Damn it, why had he done this? She had already lost Opie, she only wrote him one letter a month. But she had always been looking forward to talk to Juice, after every hard day of work or study he had been a little light, and now it was all over. 

She was mad – and the shredded flowers told her she wasn't the only one. 

 _It doesn't always have to be this way,_ she told herself. Maybe they just needed a little space. His feelings were clearly much stronger than they both had expected, and if he didn't hear from her the next months, those feelings would pass. There after, they could always try to build a friendship again. 

If he still felt the need for it.

If  _she_ still felt the need for it.

 


	16. Reconciliation

Machines were beeping around him. Through a blur, Juice saw someone coming closer. Fingers stroked his cheek, caressed his lip. A fresh, slightly sweet scent surrounded him – and he knew it was her. 

"Abigail..." he whispered, his voice soaked with longing. 

He had missed her so much. 

His vision became clearer. She was wearing a snow-white tight dress that barely covered her hips. Beneath her breasts, a red cross was depicted. 

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "Let me make things right. Let me care for you."

She folded back the blanket of the hospital bed. 

 "What are you sorry for?" he asked in a gravelly voice. He couldn't remember how he had ended up here. 

Her glance glided across the blue hospital gown he was wearing. "Anything underneath that?"

"Uhm. I dunno. I don't – I don't feel well."

"That's why I'm here. To make you feel better." She climbed on the hospital bed, placing a knee on both sides of him and leaned over to him. Her lips hovered above his, but instead of kissing him, they wandered to his ear. "There's nothing underneath my dress either," she whispered. 

Juice breathed in sharply. He wanted to lay his hands on her hips, but noticed that his wrists were cuffed to the sides of the bed. 

Mischievously, she looked at him. "You've been a bad boy. As a punishment, I can do whatever I want with you."

"Ummm, okay," he murmured a little stunned. 

She ripped open the press buttons of his hospital gown and started to kiss his chest and stomach. As she bent over, he saw the upper parts of her breasts above her tight little dress. They were beautiful. He wanted to touch them, but his chains prevented him from any movement.

Suddenly he felt her hand around him. She was holding him tight, moving her hand up and down. Just a few seconds later, it were her lips which he was feeling. Her hair tickled his stomach and thigh as she started to blow him. 

Juice watched in silence – still completely overwhelmed. The tension was building up in his stomach, he wanted to bury his hands in her hair but couldn't. He moaned deeply, his mouth feeling dry. She looked up to him, his sperm glistening on her lips. 

"You're so hot. I was so stupid." She sat up straight, on his waist. He felt her inviting heat and sighed with pleasure as she lowered himself on top of him so they were merging. Her hands stroked his chest as she moved her hips and started to ride him. "You like this, Juicy? You think this is a good way to punish you? I actually wanted you inside my mouth the minute I saw that dirty video. Ever since, I could only think of how it would be to feel that beauty inside me. But I was stubborn, I didn't dare to admit my feelings for you." She bent closer to his face, slowing down her pace. "I've tried to ignore my feelings for you, but I can't. Fuck the club, fuck my dad. I want you, Juice. I wanna be your old lady."

Her tongue glided along his. He kissed her back, a bit shakily because his orgasm started to build up really fast. 

* * *

Tinglings were still spreading across his body as he woke up. His boxers were sticking to his throbbing member and sighing he stared at the ceiling. Would these dreams ever go away? It had been six weeks since she had sent him away and she hadn't changed her mind. He missed her so much it drove him crazy. He felt lonely, even with Michelle's company. She gave him hugs and had turned out to be a good listener, but she wasn't Abigail. 

He sat up straight and turned sideways so he was sitting on the edge of his bed. After staring forward for a few minutes, he took his phone from the nightstand. He had erased all the texts of that stupid night; he didn't want any reminder to them. Since that day he had sent her a text at least once a week, telling her how sorry he was, that he missed her and that he didn't know what to do anymore. 

She never answered. 

He opened the drawer and took out a little, stuffed pink unicorn. With his thumb he glided across the soft fabric of the back. She had given it to him, the day after he had fallen off the roof. They had laughed about it, had made up more crazy dreams. She had gotten into the hospital bed and they had watched tv, their hands laced, her head on his shoulder. 

Oh, how he wished to be back in that hospital bed. He would be more than happy to break his legs again if that meant that he would see her again, hold her again – if she would no longer be mad at him. 

He however doubted she would come, even when his life was in danger. 

* * *

The days passed by in a blur. When Christmas was nearing, Gemma's preparations for the Christmas dinner were in full swing and she took him to the supermarket to carry the boxes. Very carefully he asked how many people would come. 

Gemma however saw right through him. "Abigail called off, sweetheart. She was already invited to another dinner."

Juice dropped his eyes. Was she really staying away from her family because of him? He felt cold and small, he wanted to crawl away in a dark corner. He knew that he was acting like a little child – she was just a girl – but she was the only reason he had felt comfortable around here.

"Didn't she tell you yourself?" Gemma asked as she turned her attention to the vegetables and took some things out. 

"We eh, we stopped talking a while ago," he admitted. He didn't know why he told her, maybe because she was one of the few people who ask him questions at all. Although he was a little scared of her and would never dare to argue with her, there was also something... motherly about her.

Slowly, her glance glided to the side. "Oh? Why's that?"

"I uh, I've done something stupid when I was drunk," he muttered. "I apologized the day after; went to her apartment and bought her flowers but she didn't want to see me again."

He blushed as she kept his stare. It felt like she could look right into his head and saw what he had done. "It's her Scottish blood," Gemma told him. "They're hard to piss off, but once they are they bury their ability to forgive deeply." The woman laid a hand on his shoulder and squeezed. "Find a creative way to show her how sorry you are and how much you miss her. Your feelings for her are written all over your face, you shouldn't give up too soon. I think you two would make a great couple. Trust me on this; persistence will pay off." She kissed his cheek. "Use your talents, sweetheart. And remember there is no better timing for reconciliation than during Christmas.  Sent her a present that fits her."

A very tiny smile appeared on his face. Her words were the best thing he had heard in weeks.

In a sudden moment of inspiration he knew what to do, as if he had subconsciously waited for a little push. 

Whether he really dared to carry out his plan, was a different story. He wasn't used to expose himself like that and he feared the reactions of the others, but right now her forgiveness was all he really cared about. 

 


	17. A Christmas Video

Awkwardly, Juice shoved his hands deeper into his pockets when Chibs started to snigger after Juice had revealed his plan.

"Yer settin' high standards for the others lad. If ye plan this shite for yer sponsor's daughter, I can't wait to see what you have in mind for me and yer other brothas."

Juice felt that his cheeks started to glow. Buying presents for the others... he hadn't thought about that at all and Christmas was only three days away! Panic squeezed his throat. What were they expecting from him? Expensive gifts? Making things right with Abigail had been the only thing on his mind lately.

"You uh... you think she's gonna like it?"

"I'm sure she does. She felt bad that she couldn't come, but she had already promised her roommate to spend Christmas with her. The poor lass lost her parents a few years ago, and even though Abigail took her to the clubhouse two years ago to celebrate Christmas with us, her friend didn't feel very comfortable around here." Chibs shrugged his shoulders. "Typical Abigail to bear that in mind. But I'm sure she already told ya, huh?"

Nervously, his thumbs rubbed his forefingers. Was it a trick question? Did he know that they weren't talking anymore? "She uh... yeah she said something like that," he murmured. His cheeks were getting hotter. If Chibs hadn't known about their fight, he was probably sensing it now. Quickly he decided to continue their conversation. "You uh... you think there's a way to get Opie on camera?"

Chibs raised his eyebrows. "Ye really go big for my lil girl hmm?" He tilted his head a little. "Still just friends?"

Juice bent his head. Then he just blurted it all out – he was too scared that Chibs would catch him in a lie, which was probably worse than hearing the truth.

"We're in a fight," he muttered. "I... sent her some... inappropriate texts when I was drunk." He bit his lip, his face felt so hot there was almost coming steam off. "I uhm... I'm in love with her."

Chibs started to laugh. "Oh really? Never noticed that..."

Awkwardly, he ran his hand across his mohawk. "She doesn't want more. And she finds it hard that I have feelings for her but I miss her... she was my best friend around here you know..." He cleared his throat when he noticed that he was rambling. "I wanna make it up to her. Just... being friends again."

He didn't dare to look at his sponsor. When Chibs laid a hand on his shoulder, he however looked up in surprise.

"I know my daughter. I don't think it's you kid, it's ain't yer feelings she's worried about." He winked. "But she's a woman. She needs to analyze her feelings twenty times fore she understands 'em." He squeezed his shoulder. "If ye take some cash with ya ye might smuggle in a camera. Especially if you tell 'em it's for Ope's kids."

"Okay," he muttered. Skittishly, he looked at the man again. "Thanks. For eh... not gutting me like a fish for liking your daughter."

"I'd been more offended if ye didn't like her." He showed him a crooked smile. "Well, go record those videos. Before ye know it Christmas is over."

* * *

It had sounded like a good plan – but once Juice was waiting at a table he was suddenly very nervous. That guy didn't even know him. Juice had seen his picture on the wall and he looked tough. But he was Abigail's best friend, so he had to be nice, right?

The camera he had bought, was lying on his lap. He had given the guard 70 bucks to take it inside. It was a lot of money for such a small favor – and he hoped Opie wanted to cooperate.

Juice sat up a little straighter when the door was opened. Opie's hands were cuffed in front of his waist and he looked around. Although there was only one other visitor, who was already accompanied by a prisoner, Juice raised his hand a little hesitating. The man came closer; he was a lot taller than Juice had imagined.

Opie flopped down on the chair across from him. He stared at Juice for a moment, then he lifted the corner of his mouth, looking much friendlier immediately.

"You gotta be the new prospect. Nice haircut." He smirked.

The look in his eyes told Juice that he already know the story behind the mohawk. A little awkwardly he shifted on his chair, wondering how close their friendship still was and what she had exactly written about him.

Grinning back seemed to be the best response. "She thought I wasn't lookin' tough enough for a biker club."

Opie chuckled. "It's for the best that she wears no cut, otherwise we would all look like idiots."

Juice laughed softly, it was something he couldn't deny. He leaned a little forward and decided that he liked Opie. At least he didn't create the impression that he wanted to break him down, like most of his brothers. "I'm workin' on a Christmas present for Abigail because she ain't gonna be in Charming and I know she misses the guys – and well, especially you. So I'm makin' some kind of movie in which y'all doin' a Christmas Wish or something; some personal message." He felt the heat rise to his cheeks again, fanatically he tried to ignore it. "So we're still with her in some way, ya know."

Opie raised his eyebrows. "Well well... everyone's really into that?"

Juice nodded. "I've recorded everyone else. Some messages are very short, not consisting of much more than 'Merry Christmas' but it's the thought that counts." He shrugged his shoulders, putting the camera on the table.

Opie lifted the corner of his mouth. "You're already bribing the guards? They train you well..."

For some reason Juice was beaming with pride.

"Fine, let's do it."

Juice turned on the camera and nodded to Opie. Like most people he had filmed, Opie seemed to feel a little awkward when the red light was on.

"Well Abby... As it seems I can't even escape from you when I'm in prison, since weird prospects with dumb haircuts and even dumber tattoos are visiting me..." He winked at Juice and turned his attention back to the camera. "So Happy Christmas from me. I miss you – but I guess you're doing fine in Charming, with a prospect who's running around to please our little princess. I hope to see you soon in person – I'm starting to forget what you look like. Anyway, I hope you had a cool Christmas – and I think it's very sweet that you're celebrating it on your own as well, out of solidarity. But a SAMCRO party without me is doomed to suck, so your reasons might be a little more selfish. Well... I can't sent you any presents so this shitty video is all you gonna get. I owe you another hug once I'm out – I guess your balance is twenty now." He smirked at the camera. "So eh... bye, I guess. Take care and don't cry too much cause you miss me so bad. I love you."

Satisfied, Juice turned off the camera. That would at least fill a couple more minutes.

"Thanks." A silence fell; then an idea popped up. "Uh... if you like I can record a message for your kids and wife as well? I'm here with a camera anyway."

The look in Opie's eyes changed, becoming more serious. Although he had been joking that Abigail would miss him, Juice saw how much he missed his own family. He gave an hesitant nod and Juice hit the record button again.

"Hey kiddo's... Donna... Uh this is kinda unexpected so I haven't prepared much... but I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas. I can't wait to celebrate it with you guys again. I miss the three of you..."

Juice swallowed when Opie took a deep breath, tears piling up in his eyes.

Awkwardly, Juice wrung his hands as he noticed how emotional the man was, causing a gnawing feeling in his chest. The club was the reason he was here now. How big was the chance that Juice would sit on the other side of the table one day? That he was sold out too, just like Opie? Just like had happened to him a few weeks ago?

Taking a deep breath, he tried to shove these thoughts to the side. There was no way back anyway; he had chosen this life and he would have to bear the consequences. Even when that road ran across prison. But the tears in Opie's eyes showed how much the man missed his wife and kids... and suddenly Abigail's fear felt very realistic and understandable.

And still – still there was this little voice in his head whispering that he rather spend a few years in jail while they were in a relationship than that he would keep his freedom and live without her.

With an encouraging smile he turned his attention back to Opie, who bent his head and stared at his hands. After a while he however started to talk again; letting go of the embarrassment and telling his children what places he wanted to take them to once he was out and describing all the things he missed about Donna.

Juice noticed how all the kind words Opie said were calling up tears in his own eyes. As broken as that family was right now – Juice hoped to have such a family too one day. Being a dad– having a wife.

Having Abigail.


	18. Surprises

Although Juice hadn't  given the others much time to think about their digital message to Abigail, he was doubting his own words for days. He had written down his thoughts, but it sounded too forced, too much like some kind of speech. In the end he threw all his notes in the trashcan, put his camera on his desk and sat down on a chair. A bit awkwardly he cleared his throat after hitting the record button. 

"Hey Abby," he started, and he squeezed his lips as he heard the tremble in his voice. "I uh... I hope you made it to the end and didn't turn it off the moment you realized that I made this..." He swallowed. "I thought... that you might like to have something tangible that shows you how much you're loved by your family and your friends here. Because uh... because you're not around them during Christmas. And I just can't get rid off the feeling that it's also because of me." He folded his hands, shoving them between his knees as he leaned forward. The nerves were gnawing inside him. "I know that my feelings for you ruined our friendship. But know... know that I never wanted to hurt or humiliate you. You just... you were the only thing I could think about that night. The only thing I can think about for a few months now." He felt a blush creep to his cheeks, but he pulled through. He just wanted to let his heart speak – it was the last thing he could try. "I know that you had feelings for me too. From the start. It was never a secret between us, although you never wanted more. But that time on the roof... when we... well you know what we did... it confused me, and I think it encouraged me to send you those texts. And I know... I know I never should have send you that video." His cheeks became even hotter, and suddenly he felt thirsty. "And I'm really sorry." He took a deep breath. "I'm still in love with you. I'm still thinking about you all day long. But I never sent you another inappropriate text, which proves that I learned from my mistakes. It won't happen again, I promise. I just hope... I hope that you want to give me another chance, now almost two months have passed. Your friendship means a lot to me, Abigail. You are the only one around with whom I had such a deep connection." Tears were stinging in his eyes, and he quickly blinked them away. "I miss you. And I feel really bad about what I did and that I hurt you so much. I just wanna make things right but I don't know what else I can do."

A bit shakily, he breathed in. He hated himself for being on the verge of crying. Muttering a 'Happy Christmas', he turned off the camera and wiped his eyes. 

For a while he stared forward and concentrated on his breathing. He felt like a loser for crying over a girl, even though he knew there was much more going on. He felt lonely. He tried to fit in, but they weren't his friends. The few friends he had, he had left behind in Queens. He had cut all ties and he doubted there was anyone who would miss him. The day after tomorrow it was Christmas, but he had no family to celebrate it with. His mother wouldn't let him in and his sister... he hadn't spoken to her in years. All he had, was this biker family and he still felt like an intruder. Someone who didn't truly belong here. Someone they tolerated because they could use his computers skills, but who they didn't like at all.

A knock on the door made him panic. Fuck – he didn't want anyone to see his tears. He however couldn't act like he wasn't around; if someone had seen him enter his room they wouldn't be too happy about his disobedience. 

"Coming," he muttered. With his sleeve he wiped his eyes, hoping nobody would see the traces of the few tears that had slipped down his cheeks. 

Relief washed over him when he found Michelle on the other side of the door. "Hey. I'm leaving  but I wanted to say goodbye."

Juice nodded slowly. She would go to her parents in Florida during the Holidays. He wished she wouldn't; although their friendship wasn't anything like his friendship with Abigail, she was the closest to a friend he had right now. He however found it hard to define their relationship, since she was a croweater who was just around to please the Sons. She had been a good support, but he didn't know if she really cared about him or that it was just an act because it was part of the job. 

 "Have fun," he said when she hugged him. 

She laid a hand against his cheek and kissed his lips. "You too. Try to enjoy it, okay? You're part of this family, Juice."

He knew it wasn't true. As long as he hadn't earned his top rocker, he wasn't part of anything. 

"I'll be fine," he said, trying to convince her with a smile. "See you in a few days."

"I hope you'll feel better when I'm back. I'm sure Abigail will have received that cool present and she's gonna forgive you, I have no doubts." She stroked his cheek. "You did something really sweet for her, Juice. It even makes me a little jealous."

Her frankness made him blush. "I hope," he said softly. 

He noticed that her eyes wandered to his lips and he pulled back his head. She had kissed him on the lips before, but he wasn't ready for more. While kissing someone else, he would only compare her to Abigail. His head was already messy enough. 

"Of course she will. Have a little faith in yourself, sweetheart." She patted his chest and turned around. 

Juice waited until she had left the room, then he connected his camera to his laptop. It was time to finish the movie and send it to her. 

* * *

Since the moment he had dropped off Abigail's present at the post office, he was nervous – even when he knew that it wouldn't be delivered today. There was a big chance she wouldn't get it before the Holidays at all. He tried to distract himself by helping Gemma making appetizers in the kitchen. He wasn't a great cook, but he was organized and paid attention to what he was doing, making him a good assistent. 

Around four, the first appetizers were ready and he carried the plates to the bar and tables. The clubhouse was crowded; many family members were around. Most of them were strangers to Juice, and there was no time to introduce himself. Gemma was keeping him busy – and he was secretly grateful for that. It kept him from worrying – about what Abigail would think of the present, about whether his brothers would blame him for not buying them anything since he had lacked time, and the many other things making him doubt about himself. 

"Why don't you take a break, sweetheart," Gemma said after a while. 

The look in her eyes was worried. Was she afraid that he was heading to a breakdown? She always seemed to know what was going on in everyone's head – did she sense that his was a mess? Getting himself a beer, he walked up to the other men and tried to participate in the conversations, laughing about their jokes. 

"Look who's here," Tig suddenly said, and with a wide grin he looked at the door. "That's a hell of a Christmas present." The man whistled. 

Juice turned his head to the side. 

Black hair waving down her shoulders, a flawless skin, shining smile. A beautiful red dress, accentuating all her perfect curves. His beer slipped out of his hand, falling to pieces on the ground. 

Abigail, it was Abigail! His heart made a flip. 

And shattered into a thousand pieces when he saw that she was holding hands with a tattooed guy.


	19. Hurt

Hurt and angry, Juice retreated to a corner of the clubhouse. He didn't want to show anyone how shitty he felt, so it was better to stay away from everyone. The tears were on the edge of his tear ducts. Not because she was with someone else, but because she had purposely wanted to hurt him by showing it him this way. She could have sent him a text, telling him she had met someone else, instead of ruining his Christmas. 

She didn't even take a second to look at him. It felt like their friendship had never existed – and it hurt. Especially after all the effort he had put in her Christmas present. He wished he could intercept it before she would find it tomorrow or the day after, but it was too late do to anything about it. 

Now, he had embarrassed himself even more. 

"Hey! Haven't introduced myself to you yet..."

To make things worse, Abigail's new boyfriend sat down next to him. "I'm Davey. I'm with Abigail." With his baseball cap he waved at her, as if Juice wouldn't know who she was, then he put it back on his head diagonally. 

Juice gritted his teeth. Abigail must have told him what had happened. Fuck – had she always been such a bitch? He pressed his fingers together because he was afraid to punch the guy in the face otherwise. 

"I'm Juice," he forced himself to say. He didn't want to act like a drama queen – half of the club already knew about his feelings for Abigail and he felt awkward enough about all this. "I'm just a prospect, so I guess I'm not worth to be introduced by Her Majesty."

Davey chuckled. "Is she that bad?" Leaning back in the couch, he pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket, offering Juice one as well. 

Juice took the offer. "You're her man. You should know, right?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "We started dating only two weeks ago."

"You're on her family's Christmas Dinner. How isn't that serious?"

"She didn't want to go at first. Said that she would celebrate it with Ashley, but she's doing it with my boy and decided to spend the holidays with his family. Only last night, I convinced her to go to Charming. Actually I don't really know why she didn't want to go."

_Well I do..._

He decided to tell the guy the truth. Why the hell would he care? "Abby and I are in a fight. Until six weeks ago we were really close, we did a bit more than friends are supposed to do. But one evening I was drunk and I sent her a few hot texts she didn't appreciate – and ever since she's treating me like shit. So I wouldn't fuck it up if I were you; she doesn't know the concept of forgiveness."

Davey lifted the corner of his mouth and looked over his shoulder to Abigail, who was talking to her father. Juice hoped he was lecturing her about taking some random guy to the clubhouse. 

From the corner of his eye he looked at Abigail's boyfriend. With his half long brown hair, muscular tattooed arms and stretched ears he looked tough. He didn't fall out of place around here, and Juice had to admit that he was good looking. 

"You met her through Ashley?" he asked after a while. 

Despite his jealousy, he couldn't say that he disliked Davey. He was a smooth talker – and it was a bit of a rarity that someone was sitting down next to him to have a normal conversation. Plus, he thought Abigail wouldn't want them to get along very well, and even after this bitchy move he would deal with it in an adult way. 

"I'm in a band," he told Juice. "Ashley was a fan and she dragged Abigail with her to one of our concerts. After the gig we got to talk, did some drinks and one thing led to the other."

There was a bitter taste in his mouth. A band. Right. She was afraid that a biker wouldn't be there for her, but she had no problem dating an artist? Or was he just in a local band? "Is it your job?" he asked. "Or just for fun?"

"We released two albums and last year we had our first tour outside the US. Actually we're doing pretty great."

Juice forced himself to smirk. "Sounds good man. You're the singer?"

"I'm the lead guitarist. We play metalcore."

Juice's knowledge of music wasn't very elaborated. He rather liked the 80's rock and had no idea what metalcore sounded like. Probably heavy. 

"And you're a mechanic?"

He nodded slowly. 

"Awesome. One day I want to get my motorcycle license too."

Juice's eyes wandered to Abigail. She was wearing a black dress with glistening gems around the neck; the fabric gleaming with every move she made. Still his breathing fell heavier as he looked at her perfect curves. 

"I'm going to get a beer." Dave got up. "You want one too?"

Juice nodded, although he was sure that Abigail would claim his attention before he could return.

* * *

No matter how hard Gemma and the other women had worked to make the perfect dinner, he could barely eat a thing. Luckily she was sitting at the other side of the table, but every time he heard her laughter, the anger flowed  through his veins, making him hold his cutlery so tightly his knuckles were starting to pale. 

After dinner, after taking a few beers so that he wasn't sober anymore, he followed her as she walked to the toilets and waited out of sight until she was done. The moment she left the bathroom, she froze. 

"Don't you think it's a little childish to pretend to have boyfriend to make me feel like shit on Christmas Eve? What the hell is this, punishment?"

"I"m not pretending. Get over it, Juice."

"Tell yourself! You act like we don't know each other, like we never –"

"I don't wanna talk to you."

"Too bad." He pushed her against the wall, so their faces were very close. Yeah, he could feel the heated anger vibrate between them, but he still felt that damned longing to crash his lips down on hers. "It's still there." His voice sounded hoarse. "You don't have with him what you had with me. And you know it."

Laying her hands against his chest, she pushed him away. "Yes, at some point I had feelings for you. But they disappeared the moment I realized what a jerk you are."

Juice didn't believe her – he just didn't believe her. Grabbing her wrists, he pushed her back against the wall, his waist pressing against hers. His breathing sped up when he finally felt her body against his – fuck, she had to feel this too, right?

"If you don't step away now I'm going to yell and you're gonna lose everything."

"No," he answered. "You're not that mean."

She looked up to him. He saw the longing in her eyes, he was sure of it. He dipped his head and kissed her lips – and got a knee between his legs in return. 

Bending forward because of the pain, he staggered backwards. Fiercely she looked at him, tears in her eyes. "I didn't know it was possible to hurt me even more, but you did. Now you've assaulted me too, asshole!"

"You provoked it," he grunted. "The moment you took your lover to the clubhouse without telling me anything, you knew that you would hurt me and that I would drink too much. I think you actually  _wanted_ this."

His skin burnt when she slapped his cheek, but he felt too sick because of her kick in the nuts to be fully aware of it.

"You're an asshole."

"And you're an arrogant bitch. I hope that Davey of yours is gonna dump you soon, cause he can do better much than a crazy bitch like you. Since the day we met you're heating me up and the moment I'm the one taking initiative it's suddenly disgusting."

"Fuck you!" she spat, and after these words she stormed off. 

Juice remained where he was, leaning against the wall. Sighing deeply, he closed his eyes. 

After a minute he decided to not let her ruin this evening. He would get himself another girl to spend the night with. And for the first time since he had met her, he really  _wanted_ another girl. 

 


	20. No Longer Home

Abigail sat down on a low stone wall and stared forward. The last time she had lit a cigarette was a long time ago, but she really felt like shit and needed one. Not that it did her any good...

"Hey. You okay?" Davey sat down next to her, rubbing her back. 

Sighing, she leaned with her head against his shoulder. It had never been her intention to show Juice that she had a boyfriend in the way she had done now. She actually hadn't been very serious about it and she hadn't even given it a label until Davey had asked her what her plans for the Holidays were. He knew about her biker family and how much she missed them and when Ashley decided to spend Christmas with her new boyfriend, she hadn't known how to get out of it without telling him the whole story. Her anger had subsided during the past weeks, but she had been afraid of what would happen if she would see Juice again. Avoiding him had been easier, especially if it didn't take a lot of effort. 

"Is it because of Juice?"

Abigail froze. Had he seen what had happened? She couldn't imagine, then he would have given the guy a beat down, right? "Why?" she asked quietly. 

"He told me about your fight. That you used to be very close and that you got angry with him when he sent you a few... too overconfident texts."

"Too overconfident texts?" she repeated offended. She felt annoyed by the fact that he had the guts to confess it to her new boyfriend at all, but coming up with  _this version_?! Once more it proved that he wasn't sorry at all. "He sent me a video in which he was jerking off!"

Davey chuckled softly, making her turn her head in bewilderment. "You think that's  _funny_?!"

He shrugged his shoulders and kissed her jaw. "He must have been fucking drunk. You have no idea what stupid things I've done when I was drunk. I could fill the evening with my dumb stories."

Abigail's jaw tensed. Was he really picking Juice's side now?!

Heaving a sigh, he squeezed her side. "Baby... just go talk to him and sort things out. You're with me now, he won't sent you texts like that anymore. It's ridiculous that you didn't want to go to this party because of him. This is your home."

Abigail felt the urge to cast her glance down, but fought against it. "He doesn't care that you're with me. He tried to kiss me a minute ago!"

When it made him chuckle again, she jumped up angrily. "You think  _even that_  is funny? You should punch him in the eye for touching your girl!" 

He still looked nonchalant. "You're a big girl, raised by bikers. I'm sure you know how to defend yourself." He winked at her and took the cigarette from between her fingers. "You gave him a shiner yourself?"

"A knee."

"That's my girl," he smirked. "See? You don't need me at all." He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close again. The moment his lips touched hers, she thought about Juice. She could smell the liquor on his breath, felt his compelling grasp. By reflex, she tore herself away. When the tears were stinging in her eyes, she rushed inside. 

As soon as she had convinced herself that Juice wasn't behind the bar, she asked for a drink and looked around. As much as a home this had been in the past, right now she felt like a stranger. She had the feeling that everyone knew what Juice had done and that they all believed that she was acting like a baby. 

She froze when she saw him out of the corner of her eye. He was leaning against the wall with his arm, a dark haired Croweater between himself and the wall. Playing with her hair, he whispered things in her ear that made her giggle while she looked up to him with admiration in her eyes. 

Abigail had no idea how long she kept staring at them. She knew what was coming and still she couldn't turn away her head when he started to kiss the girl, who flung her arms around his neck. 

Her chest stung, and quickly the pain spread through her upper body. Why did it hurt her? She was over him, right? He was an asshole, she shouldn't have feelings for him at all. 

As if he felt her scorching gaze, he turned around after a while and looked at her with a raised eyebrow. 

She looked away. 

If she hadn't been with friends that night, would she have been the one he was pushing against the wall now? Would there have been butterflies in her stomach, instead of this freezing cold? How would she have responded when she was alone? Would she have made fun of him, switching off her phone until he was sober again? Would she have grabbed a bottle too, sending him the pictures he had asked for? 

Again her eyes were attracted to the couple – he was almost literally blending with the girl. Feeling sick, she turned her head away. How was it possible to feel so lonely at a place that used to be her home? Was it because Michelle wasn't around? Because Opie was still in prison? Had she slowly outgrown this life? 

From the corner of her eye she saw her father coming closer. As lonely as she was feeling, she wasn't in the mood to talk to him, knowing that he would try to figure out why she wasn't smiling. Quickly she went outside. 

Davey was in the company of two Croweaters who sat a little too close to him, but strange enough she didn't mind after what she had seen inside the clubhouse. Perhaps because she trusted him, because she knew that he wouldn't cheat on her. Still she walked over to him and kissed him as if she wanted to claim him. It was a greedy, almost desperate kiss with which she mainly tried to repress the image of Juice and the Croweater. 

He could kiss whoever he wanted, she was the one who had wanted to be friends at most. 

Moreover, she had Davey – and despite the mass of emotions she was feeling, she knew she really liked him. The moment their eyes had locked when he was on that stage, she had completely forgotten about Juice for the first time in months. He was the only one who had managed to do that and she knew her feelings for him were real and that it wasn't some way to replace what she felt for Juice, not even when Juice was claiming that. 

"Sorry," she said softly as they had ended the kiss and she held him tight. "For being such a bitch tonight."

"Don't worry. I have some exes with whom I couldn't be in the same room either."

"But Juice isn't my ex," she pointed out. "We were never lovers."

With his thumb Davey stroked her cheek while he looked at her. "I think you were, in a way. There was something between you two. There were feelings in play and you both got hurt. Give it some time. You found someone else, things will get easier when he finds someone too."

He gave her a slow kiss. 

Abigail kissed him back but her mind wasn't on it. 

A stinging feeling in her stomach stayed behind. 

* * *

**Hey all! I wanted to share my new Juice-story with you, it's called 'Roomies' and this is the blurb:**

Getting a room mate sounded like an easy way to save money. However, being stuck with the most annoying girl on the planet wasn't what Juice had in mind when he opened his apartment to what he thought was a decent and quiet young man.

**I hope you want to give it a try. (:**

 


	21. Apologies

Juice had been afraid that he couldn't stop thinking about Abigail during sex, but the sweetbutt he had taken to his room was so skilled and it was such a long time ago he had fucked someone that he didn't think about Abigail at all. It became a hot, wild night, and the only question he was asking himself was why the hell he hadn't done this weeks ago. All because of that arrogant bitch. 

The next morning his thoughts were less spiteful. In an unguarded moment he even thought Abigail was lying next to him, until he opened his eyes and saw blonde hair. 

Immediately he felt hollow. 

With a sigh he rolled on his back and stared at the ceiling. God, he was so desperate. He still wanted her. He thought back to last night and felt ashamed as he remembered how he had forced himself on her. Man, had he no honor at all? 

This would only become more awkward now. – And wait, had she told him that he had  _assaulted_ her? Fuck – he really needed to apologize. What if she was so mad that she would tell Chibs what he had done? He would lose his patch, he was sure of it. 

In an attempt to get a clearer head, he got into the shower. It didn't take long before he got company from the girl. There was an insecure expression on her face. The reason wasn't hard to understand; she probably knew she was the first slut he had taken to his room and she could only guess about his needs. His first instinct was to send her away – shower sex reminded him of his dream about Abigail when they had been lying on the roof. He however changed his mind; it was about time he got over it. She had a boyfriend now, there was no point in moping around any longer. With his eyes he ordered the girl to go down on her knees and satisfied he leaned back when she started to suck him. Yeah – he could get used to this. 

* * *

The rest of the day he hung out in the clubhouse, carrying out the tasks given to him. Abigail didn't show herself, she was probably showing the town to her boyfriend. Only by the end of the day the two entered the clubhouse, holding hands. Juice had a little time off and he decided to take the opportunity, even when she was acting like he wasn't around.

"Hey." He walked up to the two. "Abigail... can we talk?"

Her jaw tensed. Before she could refuse, Davey nudged her shoulder. "I think that's a good idea."

Even though Juice gave him a grateful look, Abigail glared at her boyfriend. And at him, a second later. 

"You comin' with me to the roof?"

"Why?"

Juice lifted a shoulder. They'd had some good moments there. Hopefully she would remember some of these when she was there. "It's so noisy around here and I assume you don't want to come to my room."

"Fine," she sighed. 

Without adding another word, she turned around and headed outside. Juice followed her. He clenched his hands around the rails of the fire stairs as he climbed up. The last thing he wanted, was falling down again. 

He sat down next to her. A little too close to her liking, he noticed when she shoved to the side. He swallowed a sigh. She was really childish now. 

"I'm sorry about yesterday. For trying to kiss you."

She huffed. "These days 'sorry' is all you say to me." Stubbornly she stared forward. With her angry frown and tensed jaw she barely showed similarities with the girl he had fallen in love with six months ago. 

"Well you don't let me say a lot of other things to you," he answered a little agitated. Rubbing his face he sighed, he didn't want to argue  _again._ "This is just super awkward. You didn't even want to celebrate Christmas with your dad because of me."

She snorted. "You give yourself too much credit. That had nothing to do with you."

"I don't believe that."

"I already told you that I don't give a shit about what you do or don't believe." She got up. 

"And now you're walking away again?" he said, shaking his head. "Why can't we talk this out like two normal adults?"

"Because you're not a normal adult," she hissed. "You're like a horny teenager."

He rolled his eyes. "Last time we were on this roof you couldn't show me your underwear fast enough."

"I was drunk."

"So was I."

She turned towards him. "What do you want, Juice? You wanna be friends again? I can't okay? You hurt me too bad. Just entertain yourself with one of those whores around."

"I did that tonight and I liked it, so don't worry about that. You know, you're acting like you're the only victim here but my heart was broken too. It took me two fucking months before I was able to sleep with someone."

"That's your own fault."

"Can we stop shoving the blame towards each other? I just want us to act normal again. I want you to stop treating me like I'm some heap of shit, every time you enter the clubhouse. We're stuck with each other, whether we like it or not. You made your point, okay? You rubbed it in my fucking face. You don't want me. Fine. I'll drink a little less when you're around and I'll enjoy myself with other girls if that makes you happy."

"Whatever. I have the feeling that you're just repeating yourself, telling me the same shit over and over again. I just want you to leave me alone. That's it. I'm not going to pretend that I'm happy to see you. You assaulted me yesterday, I had to  _knee you_ to stop you. You really think your umpteenth sorry is gonna change anything about that? You just gotta learn when to stop man."

Juice wanted to give her an angry reply, but in the end he just hung his head. He had misbehaved yesterday, he couldn't deny it. Maybe he should let go of her indeed and accept that there was no way to obtain her forgiveness. 

"Okay," he said quietly. "I give up."

* * *

Juice kept his word. The next days he stayed away from her. Said nothing to her, didn't even look at her. It didn't make her feel any better. She still had the feeling she could burst into tears any moment. In the end she told Davey she didn't feel well and that she wanted to go home. 

Once she was back in her apartment, she found a dvd in the mail. On the cover was a group picture of the Sons, taken a few years ago, on which Santa hats were photo shopped. Frowning, she sat down on the bed with her laptop on her lap. 

"Look at this." She gave the dvd cover to Davey, who sat down next to her and wrapped an arm around her. 

Chuckling, he looked at the picture before he planted a kiss on her jaw. "I guess they sent you a present because they thought you weren't going to make it."

Curiously, she placed the dvd in the drive. At first the screen turned black; snowflakes started to float down to the rhythm of a Christmas melody. A HAPPY SAMCRO XMAS ABBY, she read, typed in white letters. The image disappeared and was replaced by her father. 

"Aye lovey! Celebratin' Christmas without ye daddy, ye think ye gonna enjoy tha? Juicy-boy here is afraid you're gonna forget how much we all love ye, so ye better grab a box of tissues."

Quietly she listened to the rest of Chibs' speech. On principle she wanted to turn it off once she found out Juice was behind this, but she couldn't. Words of love streamed towards her; from all the Sons, from Gemma, Michelle, Donna... from everyone she had left behind in Charming. The past days she had been plagued by the feeling that she didn't fit in anymore, but all these sweet messages made her eyes watery. 

When even Opie came into view, tears rolled down her cheeks. Juice had even found a way to record her best friend in prison. Quietly sobbing, she listened to Opie's words, being grateful when Davey pulled her close. 

She was already emotionally exhausted when Juice himself popped up. 

"Hey Abby," he started. His voice was shaking and Abigail felt a stab in her stomach. Showing himself so vulnerable on tape must have been hard. "I uh... I hope you made it to the end and didn't turn it off the moment you realized that I made this..."

Just like him, Abigail swallowed. She didn't want to continue. Her hand was already moving towards the escape button, but Davey grabbed her hand and kissed her temple. "He did all this for you baby. Listen to what he has to say."

She bent her head; at least she wouldn't have to look at him. She wished Davey hated him, but he seemed to like him. 

"I thought... that you might like to have something tangible that shows you how much you're loved by your family and your friends here. Because uh... because you're not around them during Christmas. And I just can't get rid of the feeling that it's also because of me."

Skittishly Abigail looked to the side. It was embarrassing to watch this together with her boyfriend. Who knows what Juice would say. 

 "I know that my feelings for you ruined our friendship. But know... know that I never wanted to hurt or humiliate you. You just... you were the only thing I could think about that night. The only thing I can think about for a few months now." 

When he started to flounder, she looked up. He was blushing, and in her stomach the same butterflies she had felt in the beginning awakened.  _He's so sweet. So fucking sweet._

"I know that you had feelings for me too. From the start. It was never a secret between us, although you never wanted more. But that time on the roof... when we... well you know what we did... it confused me, and I think it encouraged me to send you those texts. And I know... I know I never should have send you that video."  _  
_

She gritted her teeth. Again he brought up those stupid videos and that time on the roof... Of course – this had been sent before Christmas Eve, but nevertheless it bothered her that he was mentioning it  _again._

"And I'm really sorry." He took a deep breath. "I'm still in love with you. I'm still thinking about you all day long. But I never sent you another inappropriate text, which proves that I learned from my mistakes. It won't happen again, I promise. I just hope... I hope that you want to give me another chance, now almost two months have passed. Your friendship means a lot to me, Abigail. You are the only one around with whom I had such a deep connection." 

As the tears were gathering in his eyes, she felt them itch in the corners of her own eyes as well. It got to her that she meant so much to him, and she realized how lonely he must feel since he had left everything and everyone he knew behind in Queens. 

"I miss you. And I feel really bad about what I did and that I hurt you so much. I just wanna make things right but I don't know what else I can do."

Abigail swallowed and wiped her eyes. 

Suddenly she missed him. 

That vulnerable, honest version of him. The one she could tell everything, with whom she could talk for hours without his voice ever boring her. The one that gave her something to look forward to every day. 

"But he's wrong. He didn't learn from his mistakes," she told herself. Wiping her eyes again, she thought back to Christmas Eve, when he had cornered her against the wall. 

And still – still she kept seeing those tearful eyes. Sure, she had known that he felt regret, that he wished he had never sent those videos. But only now she realized how much he had suffered because of their fight too. 

"Creating a video like this... that takes hours baby. He tried really hard. He didn't do this just to get into your pants – he has access to a clubhouse filled with available girls for that. He really cares about you."

Abigail bit her lip. 

Davey grabbed her hand, his thumb stroking hers. "Sometimes people do stupid things. Especially when they are in love and certainly when they're drunk. Why is it so hard for you to forgive him? If it had been one of the other guys, you would just have given them the finger."

Abigail shrugged her shoulders. She had no answers. 

"Why didn't you want to date him?"

"I don't want my boyfriend to be a Son. I know I will always come second place."

And it was a way too violent life when you planned to have kids, but she didn't dare to tell him that. Maybe he would freak out and think that she already wanted to have a baby. 

"I can't explain it, you have to be part of it to fully understand it. You know – all those guys... not even one of them is in a normal relationship. That says enough."

Davey nodded slowly. "And... as a friend?"

Abigail tensed. "Why are you pushing this so hard?"

"Because you miss him," he answered simply. 

"Bullshit."

"It's not. And the reason you're so mad at him, isn't because he sent you that video. It's because you can't admit to yourself how much he means to you."

"And that isn't bothering you?" She couldn't help but sound snarky. She didn't want a jealous boyfriend, but well, this was the other extreme. He was just one step away from setting them up. 

"No, why would it bother me? If you wanted to be with him, he'd be the one holding you right now. But that doesn't mean that a broken friendship can't hurt. It hurts both of you. Believe me Abby... someone who does something like this for you? You're never gonna find a friend like that again."

She bent her head. Tears were stinging in her eyes. She thought back to their last conversation, she had said some really stupid things. 

"I already fucked it up," she muttered. 

"Nah, you didn't. Just tell him you miss him and forgive him, and he will forgive you too. Men like us are simple." He lifted the corner of his mouth and kissed her cheek. "Ask him to stop by tomorrow."

"I'll think about it."

"No, all that thinking of yours is the whole problem. C'mon, send him a text." His hand glided to her thigh and he moved his lips to her ear. "And if you're a good girl now, I'm gonna give you a very nice reward."

A shiver went down her spine when his lips touched her earlobe. Jitters spread across her stomach and she leaned into him. "Can't you give me that first?"

"Nope." His fingers moved to her groin. "Once I'm done with you, you can only think about dirty things. Sending those is a little too much."

She chuckled softly, kissing his stubbly jaw. "And if I send it to you?"

"Nope, don't want you to accidentally send it to the wrong person." He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "But you can whisper it in my ear."

Abigail was about to slip her hand underneath his shirt, but he grabbed her wrist playfully and shook his head. "Nope. Text him first."

Frustrated, she took her phone from her pocket and started to write a message.  _Hey. I received your Christmas present. Thanks a lot. I don't really know what to say after how I treated you the past days. Let me know if you want to spend some time together. If you're done with me I get that too. x_

The moment she hit the send button, the nervousness invaded her body. 

"This was stupid," she muttered. "Now I'm nervous."

"Don't worry so much. Everything will be fine." He took the phone from her and turned it off. "Let me distract you."

After putting the laptop on the ground he pulled her on top of him. Abigail closed her eyes when he kissed her. The moment his hands slipped underneath her shirt, Juice left her mind. 

At least for the most part; he was still clinging to the corner of her mind. 

Even when she didn't want him to. 

 

 


	22. Over You

It was in the middle of the night when he heard a sound telling him his phone was almost dead. Drowsily he touched for it, until he discovered a girl between himself and the nightstand. Not wanting to wake her up, he slipped out of bed and silently walked around it until he had reached the bedside table. Rummaging through the drawer he looked for the charger and plugged it in the socket, knowing his brothers wouldn't appreciate a dead phone. 

The screen lit up as soon as the device was charging and he saw a text from Abigail. Immediately his heart was pounding in his chest. He doubted – should he open it? He was actually in a good mood since the girl lying in his bed now had given him the best blowjob ever. 

Well, if it was a text filled with anger he could just order her to distract him again. He opened the text and read the three lines. 

She had received her Christmas present and was grateful. The sentences that followed showed him she even regretted her behavior as she wondered if he wanted to give her another chance at all. 

Maybe he was an asshole, but after letting him wait for so long he wasn't going to answer immediately. Sure, he knew he had made mistakes but he was disappointed in their friendship too. He had believed it meant more; he had expected them to talk this out weeks ago. 

Furthermore he was a little skeptical – what if she got mad at him again? He decided to have low expectations when he would text her back tomorrow, when he would suggest to grab some dinner. 

* * *

Because of club shit Juice had to cancel their meeting twice, but a week later he was standing in front of a diner with sea view. He was early, so he leaned against his bike and lit a cigarette. 

A few minutes for six she parked her car at the lot. As she walked over to him, he felt a little awkward. Suddenly, the air felt heavy. 

She greeted him with a kiss on his cheek. "Hey," she said softly. "Umm... Are you in the mood for a walk along the beach?"

Juice shrugged his shoulders. He didn't know what she expected from him. He had already apologized a thousand times and she had responded to none of them. He wasn't going to do it again. "Sure."

Slipping his hands into his pockets, he sauntered to the beach. The weather was dreary, so the beach was quiet. There was a lot of wind, but he kinda liked it. 

For a long time they didn't speak. Abigail was staring at the ground and Juice sighed. 

"Maybe I should leave. If you're not going to talk to me, this isn't going to be a fun night. Maybe we have to accept that we can't fix our friendship."

Abigail looked up. "No, I'm not ready to accept that. I just don't know how to give a voice to my feelings."

"Well all those times you were yellin' at me or tryin' to seduce me you knew damn well how to do it."

She raked a hand through her hair. "I'm sorry. For letting you down. Until I saw the video I didn't realize how much I meant to you. Of course I knew about your feelings for me but I didn't know I was the only one... who made you feel like home here."

"So that's the real reason I'm here? Because you feel sorry for me?"

Unrest invaded his body and he quickened his pace, his feet feeling heavy as lead. 

"No, I don't feel sorry for you... It's just... I only thought about my own hurt feelings, not realizing how much you had hurt yourself too. And I didn't think about the betrayal of your former best friend either..."

He started to walk even faster. He didn't know why, he just wanted to be away from her. 

When she could no longer keep up with him, she grabbed his arm. Her action was so unexpected that he almost tripped over his feet. Her blue eyes stared into his. "Juice I'm sorry." A tear glided off her eyelash and she blinked it away quickly. "Our relationship was just... complicated because of our feelings. Not just your feelings, mine too. I just didn't know what to do with them. But at the same time our friendship was different than all my other friendships and I miss it. I miss you, Juice."

A week ago he would have forgiven her instantly, but now he had enjoyed himself with other girls he felt less depended on her. 

"Well if I'm honest I don't miss you that much anymore," he admitted. "I think I'm over you."

"Thats... great," she said hesitating. "But does that mean – does that mean that you neither want a friendship anymore?"

Juice stared into the sea. Of course he had lots of good memories too. "I still have your unicorn."

He didn't know why he said that. Maybe it was rather addressed at himself instead of  her, as a memory of how much she meant to him, even though he was instinctively trying to guard his heart. 

"I still have your wig."

"What?" Dazed, he looked at her. 

A red glow crept across her cheeks, making the jitters return to his stomach immediately. 

"When I came back from the hospital I remembered it was still on the roof. I wanted... to keep something from you. A memento of that night – before you fell. Something to have around when I was missing you."

He stared at her. When she looked back and saw his own longing reflecting in her eyes, he knew he wasn't over her at all. Not even a bit. 

Like magnets their faces were drawn to each other. For a very, very short moment he thought to feel her lips upon his, then she turned away her head and hugged him. 

"Are you really over me, Juice?" she asked quietly. 

Now she was standing so close to him, his heart raged in his chest. There was no point in lying, he had the feeling she could feel his heartbeat and already knew the answer. "No," he asked in the same soft voice – almost sounding ashamed. "Are you over me?"

Her hands glided across his back as if she hoped to find the answer there. "No," she muttered against his shoulder. "But I really like Davey."

He closed his eyes. It felt so unfair. As cool as Davey was, Juice couldn't deny that he was jealous as hell. 

"If I didn't need the club to stay alive, I would have stopped prospecting to be with you."

Abigail let go of him and looked at him in shock. "What?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "It isn't like it feels like a home there. To be honest I'm not convinced that I'm cut out for the life. But I don't have much of a choice."

"You'll find your place, Juice. I'm sure of it."

He dropped his eyes. "You told me yourself that none of the Sons have a healthy relationship, a normal family. I – I want those things."

She took his hand. "If you really want that, you'll find a way to make it work."

Smiling sadly, he looked up to her. "You don't really believe that. Otherwise you wouldn't reject me because of it."

She bowed her head. "That has more to do with my own insecurities than with you. But I'm with Dave now, Juice. I really like him. Even if you would leave the club, I wouldn't give up on him just to be with you. I'm sorry."

He wasn't surprised. After all, she had told him that she only went into a relationship if she believed in a future. 

"Is he okay with us seeing each other again?"

"Actually he was the one pushing me to send that text. Because he saw how much I missed you."

"And despite our feelings he isn't afraid something will happen between us?"

She shook her head. "He trusts me. And well... he's kinda sure of himself."

He chuckled softly. Yeah – that didn't surprise him. "He's a good guy. I can't pretend that I'm not jealous, but I'm happy you found someone. Although eh – I didn't like the way I had to find out."

"I'd never meant to go to Charming, but I didn't know how to wriggle my way out. I didn't want to tell him about the videos." She pulled a face. "But apparently you had no problem with that."

He smirked, shrugging his shoulders. "We're men, huh."

She chuckled softly, then she hooked her arm around his. "Let's eat. I'm starving because of the stress."

Juice looked at her from the corner of his eyes. His lips curled up as well. No – he wasn't over her. He was nowhere near being over her.

But as long as she didn't hate him, he didn't mind. He had learned his lesson: from now on he would keep his fantasies to himself.

 


	23. Black Rose

Feeling disturbed, Abigail looked up when the door of her room opened. Ashley barged in, dropping an envelope on Abigail's bed. "You're on the line with Juice  _again_?!"

With a wave of her hand, Abigail told her friend to shut up, but of course Ashley ignored her. She flopped down on the bed next to her.

"Hey Juicy! Haven't seen you in a while! You should visit us more often!"

She yelled so loud in Abigail's ear that she pulled her head to the side. 

By now he had stopped by a few times. The first time he'd felt very awkward around Ashley, who had teased him with the fact that she had seen him getting off. The moment Abigail had shown him a small smirk, he had shaken off the awkwardness, jokingly telling her he could send her a video like that too. 

She wouldn't even been surprised if he had really done it. 

Their flirting hadn't escaped her attention. Part of her wondered if he did in on purpose, just to make her jealous, but she also had to admit that Ashley was a great girl. Her relationship with Davey's friend hadn't lasted long; at a New Year's party she had cheated with a guy who had, to her shame, turned out to be under age _._

When she didn't put the phone on speaker, Ashley pulled the device out of her hand, got up and launched herself on her own bed. 

"You know, you could call him yourself instead of stealing my phone the whole time," Abigail noticed. 

"Nah." Smirking, she sat with her back against the wall. "Hey Juicy... How about a hot date with me?"

Abigail rolled her eyes, glad she couldn't hear his answer. She knew Ashley was just messing with her right now; she knew about her former feelings for Juice and she would never get into a relationship with him herself. And if they would just have an one night stand – well, then she hoped she'd never find out. 

A little grumpy because her conversation with Juice was interrupted so brutally, Abigail touched for the envelope on her bed. Except for her name, nothing was written on it. Frowning, she tore open the paper and looked into it. 

"What the hell?" She pulled a black rose out of it. The leaves were shriveled and the bud hung down. 

Ashley tilted her head. "The fuck?"

She heard Juice's voice through the phone without being able to understand the exact words, and Ashley tossed back the device. 

"Hey." His voice sounded worried when she pressed the device to her ear. "What's goin' on?"

"I uh – I received some weird mail." She looked at the sharp thorns that were still attached to the stem _._ "A rose."

He chuckled. "You got another stalker?"

"It's a black rose, thorns included. I dunno, I think it's a bit creepy."

"Someone's just foolin' around I guess."

"Maybe..." Although she wouldn't know who would do that. Finding the flower was no coincidence; her boyfriend's band had just released a new song called  _Black Rose._ Was this some prank Davey had pulled on her? It felt a little far-fetched, but she would call him later. "It's just something stupid..." She tried to shake it off. By now, everyone in the building knew her boyfriend was in a band, so everyone could have left the envelope. 

"I gotta go, it's my bar tending shift."

Abigail's shoulders slumped down. Although they had talked for at least half an hour, it felt like they had just started their conversation. "Okay, good luck. I miss you."

"Miss you too. See you soon!"

He ended the call. 

Abigail didn't notice how deep she was sighing until Ashley looked at her with raised eyebrows. 

"What?" she asked a little annoyed.

She shrugged her shoulders. "I just wonder how long you're going to go through with this. For more than half a year your whole body just screams JUICE." 

Abigail rolled her eyes. "Those feelings lie far in the past."

Her friend started to laugh. "Right... You should watch yourself when you're talking to him. It's kinda cute, those shining eyes and megawatt smile. Never see that when you talk to Dave."

Abigail wrapped her arms around her knees. That was because all phone calls with Davey felt repetitive. The silences made her feel uncomfortable and when she did tell him something, he sounded distracted, like he was doing four things at the same time. Right now he was doing a tour again and she hadn't seen him in two weeks. She missed him, not talking to him made it easier. She missed Juice too, but his phone calls gave her energy and cheered her up – that is, as long as Ashley wasn't interrupting them. 

"I love Davey," she said stubbornly. She balanced her chin on her knee. 

"I never said you didn't. But you gotta admit that it's a little weird that he's always the one you call when something's bothering you, instead of your boyfriend."

"Why? He's one of my best friends. And he – he just listens when I talk to him, instead of humming the whole fucking time."

"Whatever Abs. But I still think Juice is the perfect match for you."

"Is that the reason you're trying to get into his pants?" she huffed. 

Innocently, Ashley shrugged her shoulders. "Hey that guy is fucking hot. The minute you want em you can have em, but as long as you don't? I'm not gonna ignore that nice piece of meat."

"Not even if it hurts me?" she muttered.

Ashley didn't give in; she only raised her eyebrows higher. "If it hurts you, it's your own fault and not mine. That guy worships you, Ab. He would rob a fucking bank for you."

She sighed softly. Again the doubt was gnawing. Every time she had convinced herself that she still wanted this relationship with Davey, she started to doubt again. Most times because of Ashley. But she  _really_ liked Davey. Sure – their relationship wasn't perfect because he was away half of the time, but at least he didn't risk his life every day for some stupid criminal shit. Furthermore their friendship was finally fixed; she didn't want to ruin it again. 

"I'm going to call Dave," she muttered. 

He didn't answer her call. Only after midnight, when she was asleep, he called back. Knowing that Ashley would even be fast asleep when a bulldozer would cross their room, she sat up straight. "Hey."

"Hey babe. I saw a missed call. You okay?"

She squeezed her eyes while trying to filter out the background noise. His tone told her he wasn't sober, but he always drank a couple of beers when he was on stage. 

Suddenly, a lump formed in her throat. "I miss you."

Her stomach cringed as she heard a girl's laughter right beside him. She knew she had no reason not to trust him, but because she didn't know a lot of men who had never cheated, there was a strange feeling in her stomach.

"Miss you too, love. I'll be home in four days, for another week. Then I'll be all yours."

"You tellin' me you're not mine now?" she asked with a slight smirk. 

Juice would have joked; saying something about the countless hot girls surrounding him and still convincing her he wouldn't touch any of them. Davey however sighed.

"Of course you are. You know I love you."

She dropped her eyes. Her tone had been light, but he made it sound like she was clingy. Probably not on purpose – after all, he couldn't see her face and she knew the continuous jealousy of his ex had left its mark on their relationship too. 

Awkwardly, she cleared her throat. "Someone sent me a rose." She bit her lip, it sounded quite out of the blue. "A black one?"

"Really? Well – it wasn't me? Your biker boyfriend stalkin' you again?" He chuckled – sometimes she had the feeling that he was shipping them harder than Ashley did.

"No. Honestly, it didn't look very romantic." She was silent for a while, considering whether she should put her thoughts into words or not. "You think a fan sent it to me? That she figured out where I live? I dunno... it just feels creepy."

"It's just a rose, baby." He laughed softly. "They sent me that crap every fucking day. Don't worry, love. It's just part of the job. I love you Abby. See it as proof of my love."

In thoughts, she could see him wink. 

"Okay," she answered quietly, although she still felt uncomfortable with it. Why would a fan send her a rose like that? Was it a threat? It surely wasn't because she was such a great girl... Maybe it was because of the club she had grown up with, but she was used to taking threats seriously while Davey was always laughing them off. 

"Go back to sleep, love. I'll be home in a few days." He chuckled softly. "And I'll get you some  _red_ roses."

Her lips curled up in a small smile before she said goodbye. However, in her stomach was still a vicious sting. Maybe she was paranoid... but maybe the violence surrounding her while growing up had given her good instincts.

 


	24. Fighting the Fear

Her heart was pounding in her chest. She quickened her pace until her feet hurt and looked over her shoulder. There was no one. Still she couldn't shake off the feeling that someone was following her, constantly keeping an eye on her. She took a detour to her apartment so she didn't have to pass dark alleys, but even with other people on the streets she knew she wouldn't calm down before she was in her room. 

The unrest had started a few days after she had received the rose. Together with Davey they'd grabbed some dinner, and on their way back she'd had the feeling that someone was following them. With her boyfriend by her side she had found it just strange, she hadn't been in panic at all. 

But now she was, now she was alone. Her hands even felt clammy and she cursed her anxiety. It wouldn't be long before she didn't dare to leave the building at all. And for what? Her anxiety was solely based on a feeling, it was all in her head. She'd never expected to be such a pussy, she'd always considered herself as a tough chick. 

Once more she looked over her shoulder. There – at that alley, was that a shadow? Her breathing was stuck in her throat, her heart growing cold. A stray dog rushed across the street. Abigail pursed her lips; this was ridiculous! 

Abigail had the feeling that she'd ran for hours when she closed the door behind her. Sweat had piled up on her forehead and she was glad that Ashley wasn't around to laugh at her. She sat down on the bed. Her heart was still slamming in her chest and every time she heard footsteps on the other side of the door, she jumped. She wiped below her eyes as her vision started to blur. Where was this fear coming from? She pulled her phone out of her pocket and was about to call Davey, but she knew he was doing a show right now. She wasn't in the mood to talk to him anyway, he was probably going to try to laugh it off as a means to calm her down. Scrolling down, she decided to give Juice a call. His voice always had a calming influence on her, this time it probably wouldn't be any different. 

"Hey Abby!" His voice sounded merry. 

She closed her eyes for a while when she heard his voice. Jeez, suddenly she missed him so much. It had been weeks since she'd seen him, she couldn't even remember how his arms had felt around her and still she was convinced that was exactly what she needed right now. 

"Hey," she answered softly. She took a deep breath, she was about to break. 

His tone changed immediately. "What's wrong? Are you cryin'?"

"No," she muttered. "Almost." She wiped her eyes, her lips started to quiver. 

"Why? What happened?"

"Nothing," she muttered. "It makes no sense. I –I just needed to hear your voice."

"Okay." He paused. "You want me to come over?"

Her lips bent into a slight smile. He was such a sweetheart. But it would be midnight by the time he would be here, she didn't want to steal so much of his time. "No, you don't have to."

The background noise faded, apparently he'd gone to his room. "You know you can tell me anything, right?"

She bent her head. "I know. It's just... For days I have the feeling someone's watchin' me." She sniffled quietly. "I feel like a little child who's afraid of the dark. I – I was never that type of person. Not even when I was young. Even – even in my own room I don't feel safe."

"Why don't you spent some days in Charming?" he suggested. "Just to be out for a while? It's almost weekend, you can skip a day of school. Then you can fuel up a bit, I'll make sure nobody will bother you." She imagined how he lifted the corner of his mouth. "And I will try not to bother you too."

She laughed softly, wiping her eyes. "I got a project I need to work on."

"So? You can do that here too."

He had a point. Suddenly she really longed for home, for her family, her friends. "Okay. I got college until lunch tomorrow, then I'll get my stuff and drive to Charming."

"Awesome!"

The enthusiasm in his voice sent a warm wave through her body, and she noticed she relaxed a little. "Talk to me," she said softly. "You distract me from the noises on the hallway." She dropped her eyes and bit her lip. She really sounded like coward now. 

Instead of telling her there was nothing she had to be afraid of – which she knew perfectly well, but it didn't change anything about the tight feeling in her chest – he started to talk. "Well... actually I gotta tell you something." He let out a nervous chuckle. "I kinda have a date, next Tuesday."

Surprised, Abigail sat up straight. "Seriously? I thought Sons didn't do dates."

"She ain't a Croweater," he answered. "So I couldn't just take her to my room."

For a moment there was a strange feeling in her stomach, but she pushed it away quickly. She was happy for him, he deserved a sweet girlfriend. "How did you meet?"

"She's a friend of Michelle. She'd seen me in town a couple of times and had told her friend she had a little crush on me. Then Michelle took her to a party to introduce her to me and we hang out all night." 

The way his voice sounded gave away that he was blushing, calling up memories to the time she was the one causing those red cheeks. "I'm so happy for you. What's her name?'

"Angel."

She lifted the corner of his mouth. "Does she look like an angel too?"

"Actually she does. She has blond hair and a fuckin' cute face."

She whistled a teasing tone. "Someone here's a little in love."

"Maybe. A little." He laughed softly. Abigail had no doubts that the girl would be way over her head with him the moment she would hear that laughter. 

"You already decided where you want to take her to?"

"No. I wanted to do something... fun. Not just going to the movies." He paused. "You got an idea?"

"Lemme think about it. But I'm sure it's a dream date for her the moment she sits on your bike and wraps her arms around you."

"Let's hope she won't distract me that much that I will crash into a car."

"You sure? You don't want to cuddle up with your crush in a hospital bed again? Sounds like an interesting habit."

He started to laugh. "Some things are only fun the first time."

She chuckled. "Some things are only fun with me, you mean."

"That too."

A silence fell, but it wasn't an unpleasant one.

"Abby?" He asked after a while. 

"Hmm?"

"I feel sorry for you, for feeling unsafe. But I'm glad you're coming over the Charming this weekend."

"You're afraid you'll die of an overdosis nervousness before Tuesday when I'm not around to support your mentally?"

He chuckled. "Yeah, somethin' like that. At least I'll have something to talk about, it's never boring when you're around."

"I gotta do my homework sweetie."

"I'll find a way to keep that excited too. And even if I fail – then I can at least tell her that you sought protection with a tough guy like me."

"Asshole."

He laughed. "Love you too."

She smiled. Suddenly she wished it was already tomorrow, so she could give him a squeezing hug.

 


	25. The Fate of a Biker Princess

Juice had clamped his arms around her, intending to never let go of her again. That obviously wasn't a real possibility, but he allowed himself that illusion for a couple seconds. It had been weeks since the last time he had seen her, since he had hold her. In the periods in which they limited their contact to phone calls and texts, he always managed to convince himself that his strong feelings for her had turned into friendly feelings, but every time she was really around him, that lie blew apart mercilessly. The flowery scent of her hair, the pressure of her upper body against his; all he could think about was her, making his heart pound in his chest and his knees feeling weak. 

"I missed you," she whispered. 

Her words made his fingertips dig a little deeper in her flesh. Had she missed him in the same way he had missed her? Did she also feel light in the head now, dreading the moment they would let go of each other again? Did she also conclude that her feelings transcended that of a regular friendship? 

"Me too," he managed to say. His voice was trembling and he felt his cheeks redden. Past her shoulder his eyes shot to the Sons, who had gathered a little further into the clubhouse. 

A smirk adorned Chibs' face. The man knew about his feelings for his daughter for ages, but now Abigail was in a relationship he didn't seem to care how Juice felt about her. There wasn't much he could do about it anyway. 

His hand raked through her long black hair and he rested his forehead against hers as he looked into her eyes. As scared as she had sounded yesterday; right now there was only warmth radiating from her eyes and heat filled his chest at the thought that he was the reason that her fear was gone. 

There were only a few inches between their lips. Juice felt the appeal, but he wouldn't give in. Not this time. He knew she didn't want him to kiss her, especially not now she had a boyfriend. His lips bent into a smile, and when hers mirrored it, he pulled back his face. 

"Go say hi to the others," he said in a low voice. "Then I'll take you to an ice cream parlor that's new in town. Let's see who can eat the most scoops."

Chuckling, she pressed her lips against his cheek, then she walked past him to greet her dad and the other Sons. Since it had been a while since her last visit because he used to go to her, he was sure it was going to take a while. He headed to the bar, got himself a drink and hoisted himself on a bar stool. 

"You two are still a cute couple."

Juice cocked his head to the side. A smirked crossed Gemma's lips. 

"We're not a couple."

She rolled her eyes. "That rocker of her? I give them a few more weeks, then she's done with him. She belongs here, in Charming, on the arm of a Son." Her glance glided across him. "Your arm. Once she's out of college, she will realize where her real home is; she's going to find an apartment in Charming and before you know it, you two will ask me to plan your wedding."

A few months ago these words might have set his face on fire, but right now he only chuckled softly. "You ever considered to start a career as fortune teller? Guess it will make a shitload of money."

She raised her eyebrows, holding his glance. "Who's this mouthy kid? I'm startin' to miss that blushing, panicking and above all clumsy boy."

Smirking, he shrugged his shoulders. "Didn't think the Sons could use a panicking and clumsy man."

"You're only a man if you got that patch." She patted his chest and kissed his cheek. "Which you will receive soon. I'm happy you found your way around here, Juice."

He could only answer with a smile, for Abigail stepped between them and kissed Gemma's cheeks, greeting her. 

"Hey baby girl. Happy to see you again."

"Happy to see you too Gem. You never get older, do you?" She winked at her, then she grabbed Juice's hand and dragged him towards the exit. "I'm accepting your ice cream challenge!" She showed him a grin. "And I'm not in the mood for Gemma's  _old man_ advises. I got already a roommate who keeps asking me why you haven't knocked me up yet and that's more than I can handle."

"What?" Blindsided, he stood still. 

Abigail shrugged her shoulders. "Ashley likes to play Cupid. Maybe she should start a dating service with Gemma," she laughed. 

"Why would I be the one knocking you up? Doesn't she like Davey?"

"Oh she does. But she just adores you. I think she would prefer to carry your babies herself, but there's no way in hell I wanna see my two best friends together. All that drama when you break up... And you will, Ashley's dating record is around three weeks or so."

Juice unlocked his bike, gave Abigail a helmet and rolled the Harley backwards. "Well a record of three weeks shouldn't be that hard to break," he smirked. 

She sat down behind him, wrapping her arms around him. Subtly he leaned back, just because he wanted to feel her closer. She was still the only girl that had sat on his bike. That was about to change Tuesday, at his date with Angel. He was looking forward to it, but he was still a bit afraid that his feelings for Abigail would be in the way, especially after seeing her. For now he decided not to worry about it; he had a couple more days before it was Tuesday. 

He started the engine and rolled off the lot, ending the conversation. It was only a short ride to the ice cream parlor. If Abigail hadn't lived here for years, he would have taken a little detour just to feel her a little longer behind him. 

"You're taking your girl her too, Tuesday?" Abigail asked after slipping off the bike, aiming her attention at the fancy place. On the terrace were bright colored parasols brightening up the whole street. 

"Maybe a little ice cream." He showed her a wolfish grin. "But I dare you to try  _all_ flavors. A whole scoop."

"I might love ice cream, but I can assure you that's even for me too much."

"Pussy."

She bumped her shoulder against his and entered the ice cream parlor. Juice stood next to her, taking in all the flavors. 

"What if we try all scoops together? Then we taste all of 'em, eating... ten scoops instead of twenty."

"You mean you want me to lick your ice cream?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "You've wanted to lick more intimate things around me."

"Touche."

His answer made her laugh. He smirked, glad they could laugh about things like that now. 

"You think your boyfriend won't mind if we're sharing ice creams? Cause we will be indirectly kissing."

"That would be so hypocrite. According to that thought, he's making out with the whole band; they're sharing beer and water bottles the whole fucking time."

"Sounds romantic." Juice realized the seller was starting to look a bit impatient and he tugged her hair. "Pick the first flavor."

"Hmm." She looked up to him. "You really plan to spend forty dollars on ice cream?"

"Whether I waste it on booze or ice creams, it's both going down my gullet," he answered indifferently. He turned to the seller. "We wanna try all scopes. So get as many of them on a cone as you can, after we're done with 'em we're gonna get a new one."

The man nodded as if this was a regular order and turned to the first box. 

Ice creams in their hands, they headed outside a little later, sitting down on a booth. As they ate and exchanged the cones now and then, they talked about various subjects. They however kept silent about her possible stalker. Juice did want to discuss it, but not now. As it seemed, her thoughts were finally free of fears.

"How's prospecting goin'?"

"Okay, I think. They let me do more than just cleaning the toilets. More and more often I gotta drop off or pick up stuff and do some shit on my laptop. I finally have the feeling I might fit in, you know?"

"Good." She smiled at him. "I told you you'd find your place here. You never heard a word from those guys that were after you?"

He shook his head. "Nope, as it seems they've lost sight of me."

She nodded slowly. "Did it take long? Before you... stopped looking over your shoulder?"

Juice understood where she was heading for and decided to be honest. "I think I'll never stop looking over my shoulder. I don't think it's a bad habit. Especially now I'm with the Sons, it's not a bad idea to be alert all the time."

Now she'd carefully touched the subject, he sensed that she had looked for a way in. "You feel unsafe right now?"

She shook her head. "No. Not as long as you're with me. Neither at home when Davey is with me." She paused. "I just wonder if there's really someone watching me or if it's all in my head. Growing up in a place like this, where club enemies are always on the prowl... Maybe it does something to you... Makes you paranoia."

"Then we gotta find out if there really is someone or not," Juice answered. "Tell your dad, he will take it serious. We can just tail you if you go somewhere, then we'll see for ourselves if we're the only one watching ya."

"But it's so... drastic," she sighed. 

Juice reached over the table, laying his hand on top of hers. "Abby... What if there's really someone after you? What if something  _does_ happen to you? How do you think I feel if something happens to you while I knew you felt unsafe and doing shit about it?" He shook his head in determination. "No, we're gonna take care of this. I'm sure the others agree. Damn, if your dad knows how you feel he's not even going to let ya leave without an escort."

"Not exactly something I'm lookin' forward to," she grunted. 

"Well, that's what the fate of a little biker princess is." He got up and showed her a grin. "C'mon princess, it's time for round number two."

She rolled her eyes, although her lips bent into a smile. "Whatever you wish, prince Charming."

 

 


	26. Bodyguard

Abigail rubbed her stomach. It felt like it could explode any moment. "I want to puke. Those last two scopes are too much."

"Pussy."

"Dude, you're a foot taller than me!"

"So? Your belly is bigger than mine."

"You don't talk like that to girls!"

"Why not? I'm no sexist. I'm pro equality."

By answer, she pushed her ice cream in his face; from above his left brow she drew a line until his chin until the cone broke. 

Juice cursed while trying to push her away. Laughing, Abigail jumped up; it wasn't hard to see what he would do next. With his sleeve he wiped his face. "That's fucking gross."

With his own ice cream in hand he got up. Abigail started to run, but every time she looked over her shoulder, he had diminished the distance between them. She had just reached the end of the street when he grabbed her arm and rubbed his ice cream all over her face. 

Screaming she tried to get away from him, but he wrapped a strong arm around her waist. "Hell no girl. You're going nowhere," he laughed. 

Doing it to someone else turned out to be a lot funnier than being the victim yourself. She turned around, wiping her face to his shoulder. As she looked up, she looked straight into a shit eating grin. 

"There's still ice cream on your chin," she said. 

"You wanna lick it off?" 

Abigail was about to do it, just to see his reaction but so close to his mouth didn't sound like a smart idea. "No thanks. Maybe you should save it for Angel Tuesday."

He chuckled. "Maybe." Raising his hand, his thumb stroked her eyebrow. His skin felt sticky against hers, and she wondered if he was actually cleaning her face or just making it worse. 

His glance moved from her eyebrow to her eyes. Abigail stared back. His eyes were so beautifully brown... It gave him something soft, something sweet. Their noses were brushing. She felt his breathing on her lips and was startled by the sudden longing bubbling up inside her. Her eyes shot to his lips and back to his eyes. His grasp around her tightened and she had to admit she liked the feel of his body against hers. 

"You ain't gonna kiss me huh?" A teasing smirk danced around his lips. 

Abigail felt her cheeks flush. Quickly, she pushed him away. "In your dreams."

He laughed softly. "Lately there's another girl in my dreams." He winked. 

"Then I hope she knows what to do with all those horny fantasies of yours."

"Let's find out Tuesday."

Abigail chuckled. "Sounds like the perfect topic for a first date."

"Uh-uh. Sexual fantasies are important. Doesn't Davey share 'em with you?"

"He only dreams about large stadiums."

"Sex in large stadiums?"

She elbowed his side. "Some men have bigger dreams than sex in public places."

"Boring."

"You are boring."

"Who, me? C'mon, you ever did an ice cream challenge with Davey? Or do you give him facials with ice cream?" He wrapped an arm around her. "I'm awesome. That's no news to you."

"Well at least you have the confidence of a Son now."

He moved his eyebrows up and down. "By the time I got my top rocker, I'm irresistible. Unfortunately for you, I will already have a beauty on my side."

"You ain't even past the first date man," she laughed. "She might be incredibly boring."

"So? Your boyfriend is incredibly boring too. Guess it ain't the end of the world."

"Davey ain't boring!"

"He's never around!"

She dropped her eyes. That was impossible to deny.

"Shit, sorry." He kissed her cheek. "Sorry Abby."

She sighed. "It's okay. After all, it's true... If everything goes to plan, he will be home by the end of the month and then it will take a couple of weeks before he leaves again."

He gently squeezed her side. "I think it's a good sign. That you're still together, even though you barely see each other. I don't think many relationships are resistant to the distance, especially not in the beginning."

She smiled lightly. He had a point.

* * *

Back in the clubhouse they headed straight for the restrooms to clean their faces. Her hair was one big mess because of the ice cream and it took her almost half an hour to untangle it. 

"Thanks Juice," she sighed against her reflection, although she knew she was the one who had started. For one time she wished her haircut had been just as simple as Juice's. On the other hand, she was a little relieved she could postpone her talk with her father. She didn't know why she was dreading it, maybe because she was afraid he was going to restrict her freedom."

Fifteen minutes later she decided to get over with it; Juice kept pushing her, telling her she needed to tell her dad. 

"You comin' with me?" she asked softly. 

He nodded, rubbing her back to reassure her. "Sure."

She walked to her father, who was talking to Jax. "Hey dad," she said as she neared him, announcing her presence so possible club matters wouldn't reach her ears. "I uhh... can we talk?"

Chibs' glance wandered across her face. "Wha's goin' on love?"

Her eyes shot to Jax, although she couldn't think of a reason to send him away. "I didn't come here because I was bored." She laced her fingers. She liked to be independent and found it hard to admit that there were things she couldn't handle herself. "The real reason I'm here... is because I don't feel safe at home anymore."

She felt the concerned eyes of both men burn on her skin. 

"Whatcha mean?" her father asked. "Someone's botherin' ye?"

"I uh... it might sound paranoia." She dropped her eyes. 

Juice rubbed her back. "You don't sound paranoia, Abby."

His presence gave her strength and she raised her head. "A few weeks ago I received a dead rose. I thought it was creepy, but everyone told me someone was just pulling a prank. But ever since... I have this feeling someone is watching me on the streets... like someone's stalking me. I'm not sure if there's really someone or if it's just me being paranoid, but it's driving me insane."

"Any idea who it could be?" Jax asked. 

"It could be anyone. Some crazy fan of Davey's band... Or maybe someone who has some beef with the Sons, or..." her eyes flashed to Chibs. "It could even be someone linked to O'Phelan."

It was the first time that option crossed her mind. She had dropped contact with her stepmom and stepsister ages ago because Jimmy was pressuring them, but maybe he believed it was time to get some power over Chibs' other daughter too.

"If it was really O'Phelan, they wouldn't jus' follow you lass. Tha's not how they do things. And we're not in a fight with some gang... but someone might plan something..." He rubbed his chin, looking at Jax.

"We're not takin' any risks. For now you gotta stay here."

Wronged, Abigail crossed her arms. "I gotta go to college! We don't even know if there's really someone after me. I don't wanna hide like some scared kid."

Pensively, Chibs looked from Juice to her and back. "Don't want ye to go out alone as long as we haven't figured out if someone's stalking ye. Juice stays with ye."

Abigail stared at her father. "You mean  _all the time_? Like some fucking bodyguard?"

"Aye. He can pass for a college boy."

She cocked her head to the side to see what Juice thought about it, but his face was serious – although enthusiasm was gleaming in his eyes. Not strange of course – he must feel much more useful than while cleaning toilets. 

"Fine," she sighed, knowing there was no way out of this anyway, and she rather had Juice camping inside her room than one of the others. At least Ashley wouldn't complain about him...

 

 


	27. Be Careful With What You Wish For

After Juice had been forced to leave Queens, he never expected to sit in a college room again. A part of him always regretted it. It wasn't like he didn't feel at home in Charming, nor that he disliked to work with cars. But in high school, he had always intended to go to college. He loved to learn new things, to unravel things. Deep down, he was simply a big nerd. 

Now he was sitting here, it felt like he was looking through a window, catching a glimpse of another life. Where he would have been laughing with friends too, checking out hot girls and making a note now and then. This life felt so... simple, so safe. 

Of course that was an illusion – after all, this was just a small part of their lives. The fact that he was sitting here next to Abigail because she felt unsafe, was living proof. But still... still a part of him was longing for some... normalcy. 

From the corner of his eye he watched Abigail. Her eyes were aimed at the beamer screen, her face all concentration. There was a wrinkle on her forehead and she had pouted her lips a bit. In a flash he thought back to the time he had kissed her. It was already more than 6 months ago – and still the heat bubbled up when he thought of it. 

He still wanted her. He would probably always want her. 

The unattainable love – every human being had one, right? 

He had wanted to move on; he had genuinely looked forward to a date with Angel. Which he had cancelled now. Finally he started to realize what Abigail meant, why she would always feel like she came second place. He too had canceled his first date because of the club – and there were no doubts that it would become a habit. 

Maybe this was the reason why Clay was the only one with a stable relationship. Nevertheless...  _he_ managed to do it. And if Clay and Gemma were able to maintain a relationship, why wouldn't Abigail and he be able to do so?

He was dragged out of his thoughts when Abigail's eyes met his. She bent over to him and whispered: "Stop staring at me like that, it's creepy."

"I'm training you," he smirked. "Maybe it will help you to expose your stalker."

"Well it works, you're clearly a distraction."

"I'm just looking at the prettiest girl in class, isn't that what college boys are supposed to do?"

To his surprise, her cheeks flushed. 

He leaned into her and whispered: "I thought we were past the blushing stage."

"I'm not blushing. I'm annoyed."

"With those flushing cheeks?"

He started to laugh when she elbowed his side, making various classmates turn around to look at them. Still smirking, Juice opened the notebook Abigail had given him and started to draw. 

* * *

Juice would almost forget why he was here. He didn't feel like a bodyguard; it felt like he was just hanging out with his best friend. She didn't look scared, nor nervous. She felt comfortable around him and knowing she felt safe with him... it was the best feeling he'd ever had. 

By now, four days had passed. He hadn't noticed signs of a stalker, although he was a little afraid they were distracting each other too much. 

After a long day of college they got themselves French fry and sat down on a swing. 

"Tonight Ashley invited some people over to have a movie marathon," she said. "You wanna go somewhere else?"

"What kind of movies? Some sappy ones?"

Abigail started to laugh. "Come on, you don't know her at all? You're camping in her room for four days now. It's probably going to be Saw."

He shrugged his shoulders. "I've barely seen her, she's always with that new fling of hers." She had even given her bed to him; only the first night he had slept on an air mattress. "I don't mind to watch some movies. If they won't scare you."

He said it in a teasing tone, although he was serious. If you believed someone was after you, watching horror movies probably wasn't the best idea. 

"After three years of living with a horror fan you'll get used to anything," she said. She got up and tossed the empty can in the wastebasket. Juice stood up too, dumped the garbage and with a detour they walked back to the apartment block. Meanwhile he got his eye on their surroundings, still aware of a possible stalker. 

But there was nothing – again there was nothing. He didn't like it; he really wanted to report something useful to the club. 

That one had to be careful with what he wished, was brought back in memory a few minutes later. 

Abigail had just opened the door to her room when she screamed, grabbing his hand. Juice looked to the side; there were red letters on the wall. 'I WILL KILL YOU', was written in bloody swipes. 

Abigail started to sob and Juice pulled her in his arms while his glance slid across the letters. It wasn't the text alone that had shocked her; there was a doll in her bed, the face painted white and the eyes black. The white dress was covered in red smudges. 

Someone had stuck a knife in the doll's chest.

 


	28. Safe With You

Her whole body was shaking. She didn't dare to let go of Juice, as if her stalker would jump from behind the wardrobe and stab her if she did. Tears rolled down her cheeks while her shoulders were shaking. Juice held her tight, pressing her lips into her hair. 

"I'm with you," he kept repeating. "I'm with you baby. I'll make sure nothing happens to you."

All Abigail could do was sob. "I'm scared," she whispered eventually. "Someone – someone came into my room. Someone has the key to my room."

Juice hesitated. "You think Ashley would do this? She wanted to organize a horror night, right? Maybe she was trying to spook things up?"

She shook her head, pressing her face against Juice's chest. "No, she wouldn't do that. She knows I have a bodyguard for a reason."

Sighing, Juice agreed. 

Abigail wished she was wrong. She would be very disappointed in Ashley if she would really pull a prank like this, but it was still better than accepting some crazy person had broken into her room.

"Maybe... Maybe it was her indeed," she said in a tiny voice. She broke away from Juice's embrace to pull her phone out of her pocket and sent her friend a text to ask her to come home. She didn't want to tell her what happened by phone; she wanted to monitor her reaction. 

Within a few minutes she got an answer; Ashley was on her way. Juice and Abigail sat down on Ashley's bed. He wrapped her arms around her again. She was grateful to him, afraid she would have collapsed if he hadn't hold her. 

"You wanna call Davey?" he asked quietly. "Maybe his voice will comfort you."

Silently, she shook her head. Calling him hadn't even crossed her mind. There was nothing he could do for her anyway, he wouldn't cancel his tour and up to now he hadn't taken the threats seriously. She rather saved herself another disappointment. 

"He won't be able to reassure me more than you do," she admitted. Grateful, she looked up to him. A blush spread across his cheeks as their eyes met. His glance told him she was more than a simple club assignment. If his sponsor hadn't instructed him to stay with her, he still would have been the one holding her. It was ironic. She had refused to give their love a chance because she feared he wouldn't be there for her. Still he was the one keeping her safe, while her boyfriend was doing shows in a whole other country. 

Before she could pay more attention to that thought, the door opened. Ashley's lips bent into a smirk when she saw the both of them sitting on her bed, the smile however faded when she entered the room and saw the wall. 

"Holy fuck," she stammered. "The hell happened here?"

"We were hoping this was your bad taste of humor," Juice said. "And that this is part of your horror night."

Ashley sat down next to her, putting a hand on Abigail's thigh. "I got nothing to do with this Abby... I swear. I would never do this."

"I know," she said quietly. "Sighing, she bent her head. "But this means someone else has been in our room."

"We're going to get you another lock first. And we need paint," Juice said. 

"Shouldn't we call the police?" Ashley asked in confusion. 

Juice shook his head. "No. I will find the bastard myself and cut off his fucking fingers."

Abigail had never seen such a dark look in his eyes. She snuggled up to him, and by way of answer he tightened his grasp around her. 

Then he got up. "You gotta find another place for your movie party," Juice told Ashley. 

* * *

Abigail knew she could get into trouble by placing a new lock on the door without asking, but she didn't care. She wasn't going to await the approval of her landlord, that might take days. 

Close to midnight there was a new lock on the door, of which only Ashley and she possessed a key. She wasn't completely comfortable with it; the stalker might have gotten in without using a key at all. 

She opened the window to let some fresh air in. The smell of paint filled the room; tomorrow they would have to add a second layer. Whether the letters would ever leave her mind, remained to be seen. Juice was keeping the doll; he wanted to see if the Sons had a connection to someone who could run a DNA test.

"You want me to find a hotel?" Juice asked. 

Abigail hesitated. Still, she shook her head. Her privacy had been violated badly, but she didn't want to be expelled from her home and become some haunted animal. 

"I feel safe with you," she said. 

"You want me to shove the couch in front of the door? Just to be sure?"

Silently, she nodded. While Juice blocked the door, she headed to the bathroom to brush her teeth. Then she got underneath the blankets. They had pushed the bed away from the wall so she wouldn't touch the wet paint. 

"Good night," Juice said when he got into Ashley's bed. 

"Good night."

Her bed however didn't feel like her own bed anymore. It felt like her stalker had laid in it and suddenly she wanted to wash it. As she sat up straight, she noted she was sweating like she was having a fever. Suddenly, panic arose and silently cursing herself she squeezed her eyes shut. 

"Juice?" she asked quietly. 

"Hmm?"

"Can I crawl in bed with you?"

"You know you don't need to ask."

Abigail smiled away a few tears, slipped out of her bed and laid down next to him. Hesitantly, she scooted closer to him, laying her head on his shoulder. He wrapped an arm around her and kissed her temple. His lips felt warm against her skin and a shiver traveled down her spine. By reflex, she draped an arm across his naked torso. 

Skittishly, she looked up when his lips kept lingering on her temple. Their eyes locked. For a few seconds they were staring at each other. Her heart started to beat faster – and this time fear was not the reason. It was almost impossible to resist his lips. 

"I wish I'd given us a chance," she whispered. 

She didn't look away. Neither did he. 

Instead, their lips came closer until they met. 

 

 


	29. Borders

Juice's lips were tingling.

Finally – finally he was kissing her again.

Whether it was smart remained to be seen. She might only do this because she was emotional, pushing him away later while his feelings were stronger than ever before.

Nevertheless, his longing for her was stronger than his doubts. He simply couldn't turn away his face. Instead, he pulled her close, burying his hand in her hair and allowing her tongue inside his mouth.

It was an amazing kiss, much better than whatever kiss he'd shared with the Croweaters. Since the moment he'd looked into her eyes for the first time, he had known she had been the one for him. He had wanted her, with every fiber of his being. And he still wanted her.

There hadn't been much hesitation in the first place, but Juice had the feeling that every barrier was taken down now. He pulled her on top of him without letting go of her lips, his hands gliding across the soft fabric of her nightgown. She was sitting on his lap while he was still on his back, and she leaned back to break the kiss.

Juice looked up to her, a nasty feeling in his stomach. Was she coming to her senses? Did she remember her boyfriend? Her fingers lingered on his collarbones, slowly descending down, across his torso. As she reached his waist, on which she was sitting, her hands glided up across her own nightgown. With a sensual movement, she pulled it over her head.

Like a love-struck teenager Juice stared at her breasts. She glided off him, started to kiss him above his waistband. Slowly she kissed her way up to his lips, her black hair tickling his skin while her hard nipples were stroking him. As she reached his mouth, his hands caught her breasts, caressing and kneading them. He started to kiss her neck, and from there his lips traveled down until he could wrap his lips around her nipple.

His tongue swirled around it, now and then sucking her. She moaned moving her waist across his until he could no longer hold back a growl. His head was spinning. All this felt like a beautiful dream, like he'd had dozens of them. He kissed all of her upper body, licking every inch of her delicious skin.

But as much as he liked it and as high as his head was up in the clouds; he failed to relax completely. Even though she reached for his erection, he wrapped his arms around her and rolled on his side.

"Maybe we should leave it at this," he said. "For now."

He raked his fingers through her hair, looking into her lustful eyes. Stopping this now felt like self betrayal but he feared she would regret it if they were going to have sex.

Softly sighing, she pressed her face to his shoulder. "Why are you always so rational?"

Tightening his grasp around her, he kissed her hair. "Because I don't want to ruin our friendship again. If we continue this now... I want it to mean something. That we... will be together after it. And you're scared now, you're emotional... You better take a decision about us when your head is straight."

She looked up to him, stroking his face. "I fought my feelings for you for such a long time... There's just no one I feel more comfortable around." She kissed the tip of his nose. Lowering her hand, she searched for his hand, lacing their fingers. "I will talk to Davey once he's back, I don't want to discuss this over the phone. And you're right... Going behind his back... He doesn't deserve that."

Despite her words she snuggled up to him, without trying to cover her upper body. Maybe it was selfish, but nothing was as easily changing as Abigail's mood and he didn't want to miss out on the chance to fall asleep like this.

* * *

Next day however Abigail didn't crawl back into her shell. She gave him a feathery light kiss when she woke up, then she started to get dressed. Despite what had happened yesterday, she looked surprisingly cheerful and he wondered if he was the reason for her good mood.

They spent the day together, flirting a bit more than they usually did and now and then they even shared a brief kiss because they were unable to completely control themselves. He had a good feeling about this...

Until Abigail's phone rang at the end of the day.

She swallowed as she looked at the screen. "It's Davey," she said softly.

He heard the guilt in her voice. At the same time the doubt started to gnaw at him. Was she still going to dump Davey once he was back in town? Maybe it was just the loneliness that was plaguing her...

Abigail took the call and greeted him in a soft tone. She tensed.

Through the phone he could her Davey's yelling, although he couldn't hear the exact words.

"It's not what it seems... Whatever you've seen..." she started with a shaky voice.

_[...]_

"No but..."

_[...]_

"Jeez, just let me finish! Someone broke into my room, and – Hardly anything happened between us!" Her voice cracked.

The expression on her face changed, became pale.

"W-what?" she stammered.

Again a tirade rose, then Abigail lowered the phone. Tears gathered in her eyes and she gave Juice a lost look.

"Someone... Someone took a picture of us tonight, and sent it to him..."

Juice stared her in the eye.  _"What?!"_

She started to sob.

Whether it was because her stalker had been in her room when they were asleep or because her relationship with Davey was over, he didn't know.

Right now it didn't matter anyway. Just like the day before, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against his chest.


	30. The Stalker

Chibs' elbows were leaning on the table. An hour ago Abigail had entered the clubhouse, together with Juice, telling him that someone had broken into her room twice. Since Abigail had grown up around the club, she didn't panic easily. However, it had always been gang violence – being bothered by an insane and jealous fan was a whole different thing. 

Juice had hacked into Davey's email account to figure out the IP-address of the sender of the picture. Chibs and Juice would go to the place to make this bullshit stop. He was proud of how his prospect had dealt with this shit. Two more months before he could be patched in, but he was already convinced that Juice was a good asset. He might be a little softer than his brothers, but his computer skills were amazing and he was sure Juice would often prove himself useful. 

He glanced at the two in front of him. Juice had wrapped an arm around Abigail's shoulders and she was holding his other hand. He liked the sight of them together. The look in Juice's eyes told him how much he cared about his daughter. Davey had been a good guy too, but he blamed him for not taking Abigail's fears seriously. Chibs didn't feel bad about their broken relationship, even though Abigail needed some time to make peace with it. He however firmly believed that Juice would soon fill the void, and Chibs would not only welcome the kid in the SAMCRO family, but also in his own family. 

"You ready to leave?" he asked Juice. 

Before the boy answered, he turned his attention to Abigail. "You'll be fine here, right?"

She nodded hesitantly. "Please be careful, she's mad as a hatter."

"She will no longer bother you," Juice promised her, kissing her cheek. His eyes shot to Chibs, as if he had forgotten that the man was still around. He winked at the lad. After everything that he'd done for Abigail – and he knew he hadn't even considered it as an assignment – Chibs wasn't going to stand in his way. Abigail needed someone like him, who was sensitive but who also dared to take action, and who was, above all, there for her. Even on busy days.

Juice and Chibs went outside, got on their bikes and headed to San Francisco. 

"She livin' in the same buildin'?" Chibs asked in surprise when Juice parked his bike in front of the student housing complex where Abigail lived. 

"Yeah," Juice answered shortly, his jaw clenched. "Although I'm not sure she'll be there."

Chibs looked at the boy in confusion, but he already headed inside. It felt like the prospect knew more than he'd wanted Chibs to believe. Chibs however chose not to ask questions, trusting Juice's judgement. 

When Juice stopped in front of Abigail's door and started to knock, something dawned on him. 

"Ashley?" he asked surprised. 

"Yeah," Juice answered in a grumble. 

Chibs frowned. Abigail had taken the lass to the clubhouse now and then; she had always been positive about her. 

"I figured out what other mailaccounts had access to the IP-address that was used for sending the picture. Ashley's personal account was among them."

"And she also has a key," Chibs understood. 

"I put a new lock on it yesterday. I have no idea how she came in, probably through the window."

Before they could continue their conversation, the door swung open. 

"Hey." Ashley gave them a friendly smile, looking from one to the other. 

Juice rushed inside, Chibs following him. 

"We know," Juice started immediately. "We know you're Abby's stalker."

His accusation didn't startle Ashley. She sat down on the edge of her bed, nodding slowly. "I already suspected mister Hacker to catch me. But it doesn't matter. Davey and Abigail are done."

Juice huffed. "And you call yourself her friend? All this time you were jealous and..."

"I was not jealous, Juice."

"Not jealous? You wanted to ruin her relationship! Why would you do such a thing? You just wanted Davey for yourself."

She looked him in the eye, softly laughing. 

"You got it all wrong, baby. I'm not interested in Davey. I did it for you and for Abigail. You belong together and Abigail was too stubborn to see it. Now she knows."

Juice's jaw dropped. 

Chibs didn't respond any differently. He didn't know what he'd expected, but not this. 

"So you scared the hell out of her just so we would become a couple?" Juice asked, shaking his head. "I don't believe you."

Ashley shrugged her shoulders. "It doesn't matter what you believe. It's true. Abigail needs you, Juice, and you need her. Your love goes beyond that of mortals."

Juice exchanged a look with Chibs. 

Yep – completely insane.

"I never want to see you around her again," Juice said. 

She nodded calmly. "I expected no less of you. She no longer needs me, now she has you. Don't let her out of your sight, Juice. She's your ward now. Your love keeps the darkness away."

Chibs studied her face. Despite the bullshit she was telling them, she didn't look like someone who was insane. A shiver crept down his spine when she looked him in the eye. She smiled. "Their souls are connected," she told him. "Never forget that, Chibs. Your daughter's happiness depends on Juice's." Her eyes fluttered through the room. "I no longer need this place. Tell Abigail I had to do this, since she is very dear to me." Another serene smile. "And not only to me."

Then, she walked past them and left the room. 

The whole situation blindsided Chibs in such a way he didn't know what to do. Only when the door slammed shut, he started to believe she had told them complete bullshit to get out unharmed. 

"Hey, you don't get away that easily!" he yelled, opening the door again. 

Even though only a few seconds had passed, the hallway was empty. He ran towards the stairwell and stared down, but her white blond hair was nowhere to be seen. 

"That was weird," Juice muttered, showing up next to Chibs and looking down as well. Confusion was radiating from his face. 

"Aye, it was."

An uncomfortable feeling crept up under his skin. It had been the words of a lunatic, but he couldn't shake off the feeling that his daughter was in danger, nor the thought that it wasn't Ashley he should worry about. 

"Bullshit," he eventually muttered to himself, shaking his head. "Don't let that girl mess with your head."

Something however told him it was already too late. Girls didn't just disappear.

 


	31. Epilogue

The music was loud, the laughter overwhelming. Juice had the feeling he was living in a rush; he hadn't drank much the past weeks, he'd wanted to be alert. Something told him that Abigail had nothing to fear from Ashley, but he wasn't going to take any risks. It was all too bizarre. 

Today however, he could forget about his alertness for a while; they had returned to Charming. The party that was held was not only to celebrate Abigail's graduation, but it was also his patch in party. 

His fingers glided across the Redwood patch on his chest every few minutes, and every time he walked past a mirror he admired the top rocker on his back. When he did so, he showed himself a grin as he peeked at his mohawk and head tattoos; the first mark Abigail had left on his life. 

Juice was pulled out of his thoughts when her fingers laced with his. 

"Enough partyin' for tonight," she said with a mischievous smile. "Let's go to the roof."

Although he had some shitty memories about the roof, he nodded. Hand in hand they went outside and climbed the stairs. He sat down with his back against a small wall, pulling Abigail between his legs and wrapping his arms around her while looking up to the sky, to the countless stars. 

"Sometimes it's hard to believe that we only know each other for a year," Abigail sighed. She leaned with the back of her head against her chest. "It feels so much longer."

"You remember what you said that first night?" he asked, his voice soft because of the sudden nervousness. It was tricky to bring it up again; after all, they had been in a heavy fight because of it and besides that, she was still getting over Davey. "That you can't picture yourself with a Son?"

His heart pounded in his chest. He was afraid that she would freeze in his arms, but she didn't. 

"I gave it a lot of thought," she said after a while, staring at the sky. "I really like you, Juice. I think I even love you. The past months you've been there for me, so I can no longer hide behind my former excuses." She turned around in his arms, looking up to him. "I think I'm ready. To leave that shit with Davey and Ashley behind. My relationship ended because of my feelings for you, and my friendship with Ashley did too; because she wanted us to be together so desperately. You're no longer a prospect, I graduated..." She smiled, raising her hand and caressing his cheek. "I want to give it a chance. You and me. If you still want me."

Juice didn't need to give it a thought. He pulled her closer, pressing his lips against hers. His tongue found hers and this time they quickly left their hesitation behind. Although Jax had already caught them once, neither of them cared about the risks as they took off each other's clothes until their bodies were melting together, while giving each other the love they had longed for since the moment they met. 

Afterwards, Juice buried his hand in her dark hair, while looking at her and smiling. Today he felt happier than ever before and he hoped from the depths of his heart that he could always cling to this feeling. He would do everything in his power to make sure he'd never lose her and he was determined to protect her against whatever danger her insane friend had foreseen. 

**. . .**

_The end_

**. . .**

**So this is it, the end of Taste of Innocence. Thank you for reading, voting and commenting. I will continue with the main story now, Taste of Vengeance. Hope to see you there! <3**

 


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